bextor84 said:
Isn't Mike enough of a joke anyway?
hahhaha jk
hahaha..... thats enough ammo, but heres some more anyway:
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A New Zealander, a sheep and a dog were survivors of a terrible shipwreck.
They found themselves stranded on a desert island and after being there for a while they got into the habit of going to the beach every evening to watch the sun go down.
One particular evening, the sky was red with beautiful cirrus clouds, the breeze was warm and gentle; a perfect night for romance. As they sat there, the sheep started looking better and better to the Kiwi.
Soon, he leaned over to the sheep and put his arm around it.
But the dog got jealous, growling fiercely until the Kiwi took his arm from around the sheep.
After that, the three of them continued to enjoy the sunsets together, but there was no more cuddling.
A few weeks passed by and lo, and behold, there was another shipwreck.
The only survivor was a beautiful young woman, the most beautiful woman the Kiwi had ever seen.
She was in a pretty bad way when they rescued her, and they slowly nursed her back to health.
When the young maiden was well enough, they introduced her to their evening beach ritual.
It was another beautiful evening: red cirrus clouds, a warm and gentle breeze; perfect for a night of romance.
Pretty soon the New Zealander started to get 'those feelings' again. He fought them as long as he could, but he finally gave in and leaned over to the young woman, cautiously, and whispered in her ear...
'Would you mind taking the dog for a walk?'
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An Aussie bloke is having a quiet drink in a bar and leans over to the big guy next to him and says, 'Do you wanna hear a Kiwi joke?
The big guy replies, 'Well mate, before you tell that joke, you should know something. I'm 1.90 m tall, 125 kg and I played as a forward for the All Blacks."
"The guy next to me is 1.85 m, weighs 115 kg and he's an ex-All Black lock."
"Next to him is a bloke who's 2 m tall, weighs 120 kg and he's a current All Black second rower. Now do you still want to tell that Kiwi joke?"
The first bloke says, "Nah, not if I'm going to have to explain it three times."
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And a personal favourite of mine:
An Australian ventriloquist visiting New Zealand walks into a small town and sees a local sitting on his porch patting his dog. He figures he'll have a little fun.
Ventriloquist: "G'day Mate! Good looking dog, mate. Mind if I speak to him?"
New Zealander: "The dog doesn't talk, you stupid Aussie."
Ventriloquist: "Hey dog, how's it going old mate?"
Dog: "Doin' alright."
New Zealander: (extreme look of shock)
Ventriloquist: "Is this Kiwi your owner?", pointing at New Zealander
Dog: "Yep"
Ventriloquist: "How does he treat you?"
Dog: "Real good. He walks me twice a day, feeds me great food, and takes me to the lake once a week to play."
New Zealander: (look of disbelief)
Ventriloquist: "Mind if I talk to your horse?"
New Zealander: "Uh, the horse doesn't talk either...I think."
Ventriloquist: "Hey horse, how's it going?"
Horse: "Cool."
New Zealander: (extreme look of shock)
Ventriloquist: "Is this your owner?" (pointing at New Zealander)
Horse: "Yep"
Ventriloquist: "How's he treat you?"
Horse: "Pretty good, thanks for asking. He rides me regularly, brushes me down often, and keeps me in the barn to protect me from the elements."
New Zealander: (total look of amazement)
Ventriloquist: "Mind if I talk to your sheep?"
New Zealander: "The sheep's a liar.
