Growing Old Disgracefully
Bad Toilet experience
A few years ago I worked as a floor manager in a high end pub in the CBD. One busy Friday night, a customer approaches me looking slightly green around the gills and tells me that there is a problem with the male toilets.
I open the door to the bathroom and am assaulted by a smell that enveloped my skin and clung on to it like a putrid oyster. This smell was so bad that I actually had to turn right around and walk back out, eyes watering, trying my damnedest not to power hurl.
Summoning my courage, I went back in, once again feeling the foul miasma wash over me. Imagine having barbed wire ripped backwards out of your butt whilst been punched in the nose by Mike Tyson, whilst John Holmes plows your missus right in front of you. Now imagine all that pain and anguish been magically turned in to a smell and being forced up your nose. That was how I felt.
Determined to find the source of this stench I queasily scanned the room. Apart from the normal level of disgust I feel whenever I walk into a public toilet, everything was fairly normal. No obvious signs of the sweating obese guy who doused himself with rotting offal and then shat himself to death that could be the only remotely possible source of the odour that was steadily devouring my resolution and was threatening to reduce me to a quivering, sobbing, shell of a man. I looked over and realised that it had to be coming from one of the 4 stalls.
Bang! I kick the first door open. Nothing.
Bang! I kick the second stall door open. Same result.
One stall to go.
Bang!.......I didn't quite know what I was looking at.......then it hit me. With an amazing feat of courage and steadfastness I resisted the urge to curl in to the fetal position and cry my eyes out, I surveyed the destruction.
Shit! There. Was. Shit. Everywhere! The four walls of the stall covered in shit! The floor was a a fecal waste ground that would have given the most hardcore hillbilly mudder pause! With a mounting sense of dread I turned my eyes skyward. Yes...........There was even shit on the roof!
Unable to withstand any more I turned and ran, nearly breaking the toilet door off it's hinges, such was the speed of my retreat. Outside in the relatively fresh air that smelled comparatively sweetly of body odour, cigarettes and beer, I leaned against the wall and tried to catch my breath and will down the vomit that was threatening to burst forth. I couldn't remember my name, I didn't know where I was, I couldn't feel my legs.
Luckily the place I was working for hired cleaners. These consisted of a group of diminutive and unassuming Chinese dudes who would rock around all night and dutifully sweep up discarded cigarette butts and coasters, and mop up spilled drinks. One of these unfortunate fellows was happening by as I burst out of the gateway to hell that used to be the toilets outside of the gaming room. I grabbed him by the shoulder and looked him square in the eye. With the feeling that I assume field commanders get when they order a fellow comrade killed because his injuries are too horrific to possibly make it back to base, I told him that there had been an accident and to go get a mop......... I then ran away, not wanting to meet that cleaner again as he must surely still hold a vendetta against me.
I stand by my actions though. It was him or me and the four horsemen of the apocalypse could not get me back in to that bathroom.
Later, when I was at home and had showered seven times, I was lying in bed unable to sleep because of the trauma I had endured. I speculated that the only way a person could spread so much diarrhea around was too stand on the rim of the bowl, bend over, and let rip whilst turning a slow circle. I still, 7 years later, have not been able to work out a plausible explanation of why someone would do such a thing or how in the name of all that's holy it got on the ceiling?
Moral of the story: Never underestimate the level of nauseating, disgusting, fundamentally deranged actions that human beings are capable of perpetrating. To do so only leads to disappointment and not been able to sleep properly for several nights.
Reviled did i live as evil i did deliveR
- UNDERSTEER is when you hit the wall with the front of the car.
- OVERSTEER is when you hit the wall with the rear.
- HORSEPOWER is how fast you hit the wall.
- TORQUE is how far you take the wall with you.
wow... thats really something else, isnt it
2.5" Catback
very well described.. too well infact haha :S..
Growing Old Disgracefully
i couldn't stop laughingOriginally Posted by nick3110
Reviled did i live as evil i did deliveR
- UNDERSTEER is when you hit the wall with the front of the car.
- OVERSTEER is when you hit the wall with the rear.
- HORSEPOWER is how fast you hit the wall.
- TORQUE is how far you take the wall with you.
Donating Member
ohhh **** is that a true story?
Forecast For Tonight Is Alcohol, Low Standards And Poor Decisions.
ok that is baddd, on the sealing?
i have been told a toilet story of my cousins girlfriend,
it is quiet disturbing and dirty. i hate even thinking about it because it makes me feel sick,
sometimes she used to work 24 hour shifts at a servo (i think shell), and she would sometimes have the duty of cleaning the toilets. Everytime she was cleaning she noticed (The male fluid of fertilization) dried up on the walls next to the toilets, and have to clean it off.
So all the truckies would stop at the servo, play with themselves in the toliets for a while and leave.
sorry but felt it related o the post, james
2.5" Catback
lol dude i was eating while reading this.. not cool..
lol my bad, i should have known haha
HZ Holden Fanatic
LOL @ Nick.
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2.5" Catback
You guys want to see what public toilets look like in places where there is no cleaners to fix them up. Shit everywhere = totally normal. Humans are by nature the most grommit species on the planet. Only with many years training do they become not so gross
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