How to start a fight

[Reaper]

My wife sat down on the couch next to me as I was flipping channels.
She asked, "What's on TV?"
I said, "Dust." And then the fight started...

My wife was hinting about what she wanted for our upcoming anniversary.
She said, "I want something shiny that goes from 0 to 150 in about 3 seconds."

I bought her a scale. And then the fight started...

When I got home last night, my wife demanded that I take her someplace expensive...
so, I took her to fill up the car! And then the fight started...

After retiring, I went to the Centrelink office to apply for a pension.
The woman behind the counter asked me for my driver's license to verify my age.
I looked in my pockets and realized I had left my wallet at home. I told the woman that I was very sorry, but I would have to go home and come back later.

The woman said, 'Unbutton your shirt'. So I opened my shirt revealing my curly silver hair.
She said, 'That silver hair on your chest is proof enough for me' and she processed my pension application. When I got home, I excitedly told my wife about my experience at Centrelink office. She said, 'You should have dropped your pants. You might have gotten disability, too.' And then the fight started...

I rear-ended a car this morning. So, there we were alongside the road and slowly the other driver got out of his car. Well you know how sometimes you just get soooo stressed and little things just seem funny? Yeah, well I couldn't believe it... he was a DWARF!!!

He stormed over to my car, looked up at me, and shouted, 'I AM NOT HAPPY!'
So, I looked down at him and said, 'Well, then which one are you?'

And then the fight started...

[Not_An_Abba_Fan]

I once mentioned on here that global warming was not caused by man.......and then the fight started....

[s1knt]

funny ..............

[HoldenOnn]

Some of those are funny as. The one about the scales is awesome, and about whats on tv. Good stuff.

I once said my VL Berlina Turbo was faster than my mates Clubby....then the race started

PS: I won

[acarmody]

I'm gonna get flamed for this but;

In an argument with my girlfriend yesterday she shouted at me "Stop making jokes about rape! How do you think the women feel?" "Depends on the girth" And then the fight started.

[CoMrAdE MaRx23]

Girth LMAO!!!!

[S2_VR_]

i'm gonna get flamed for this but;

in an argument with my girlfriend yesterday she shouted at me "stop making jokes about rape! How do you think the women feel?" "depends on the girth" and then the fight started.

hahahahahahhahahahahah

[ryno_vrx]

hahahahahahhahahahahah

lol nice one

[groberr]

I'm gonna get flamed for this but;

In an argument with my girlfriend yesterday she shouted at me "Stop making jokes about rape! How do you think the women feel?" "Depends on the girth" And then the fight started.

lol that was gold

[LowVtWagon]

There all piss funny!!!! There's been a few Michael Jackson messages getting around!! Anyone seen some??

[Kikki]

I got about 15 texts about MJ the morning he died... SOOOO funny!

But the above much funnier

[Crossy_014]

I'm gonna get flamed for this but;

In an argument with my girlfriend yesterday she shouted at me "Stop making jokes about rape! How do you think the women feel?" "Depends on the girth" And then the fight started.

hahahahahahahahhahaahahha

[POVRTY]

very cool. lol