a few jokes

[omaz78]

Saturday morning I got up early, quietly dressed, made my lunch,
grabbed the dog, and slipped quietly into the garage. I hooked up the boat up to the truck and proceeded to back out into atorrential downpour.
The wind was blowing a gale so I pulled back into the garage,
turned on the radio and discovered that the weather would be bad all day.
I went back into the house, quietly undressed, and slipped back into bed.
I cuddled up to my wife's back, now with a different anticipation, and whispered,
'The weather out there is terrible.'My loving wife of 10 years replied,
'Can you believe my stupid husband is out fishing in that?
'And that's how the fight started ...

After retiring, I went to the Social Security office to apply for Social Security. The woman behind the counter asked me for my driver's license to verify my age.
I looked in my pockets and realised I had left my wallet at home.
I told the woman that I was very sorry, but I would have to go home and come
back later. The woman said, 'Unbutton your shirt'. So I opened my shirt revealing my
curly silver hair. She said, 'That silver hair on your chest is proof enough for me'
and she processed my Social Security application. When I got home, I excitedly told my
wife about my experience at the Social Security office. She said, 'You should have
dropped your pants. You might have gotten Disability too And that's how the fight started.

I rear-ended a car this morning. So there we were alongside the road
and slowly the other driver got out of his car. You know how sometimes you just get
soooo stressed and Little things just seem funny? Yeah, well I couldn't believe it ...
He was a DWARF!!! He stormed over to my car, looked up at me, and shouted, 'I AM NOT HAPPY!!!' So, I looked down at him and said, 'Well, then which one are you?'
And that's how the fight started ...

My wife and I were sitting at a table at my high school reunion, and I kept staring at a drunken lady swigging her drink as she sat alone at a nearby table.My wife asked,
'Do you know her?''Yes,' I sighed, 'she's my old girlfriend. I understand she took to drinking right after we split up those many years ago and I hear she hasn't been sober since.''My God!' says my wife, 'Who would think a person could go on celebrating that long?'And that's how the fight started .....

[burnz]

ha ha ..

go the gunners!!

[VjamesY]

the first ones funny as