silly americans

[wildss]

These are from a book called Disorder in the American Courts, and are
things people actually said in court, word for word, taken down and now
published by court reporters who had the torment of staying calm while
these exchanges were actually taking place.
_________________________________
Q: Are you sexually active?
A: No, I just lie there.
__________________________________
Q: What is your date of birth?
A: July 15th.
Q: What year?
A: Every year.
______________________________________
Q: What gear were you in at the moment of the impact?
A: Gucci sweats and Reeboks.
______________________________________
Q: This myasthenia gravis, does it affect your memory at all?
A: Yes.
Q: And in what ways does it affect your memory?
A: I forget.
Q: You forget? Can you give us an example of something that you've
forgotten?
_____________________________________
Q: How old is your son, the one living with you?
A: Thirty-eight or thirty-five, I can't remember which
Q: How long has he lived with you?
A: Forty-five years.
_____________________________________
Q: What was the first thing your husband said to you when he woke up
that
morning?
A: He said, "Where am I, Doris?"
Q: And why did that upset you?
A: My name is Susan.
______________________________________
Q: Do you know if your daughter has ever been involved in voodoo or the
occult?
A: We both do.
Q: Voodoo?
A: We do.
Q: You do?
A: Yes, voodoo.
______________________________________
Q: Now doctor, isn't it true that when a person dies in his sleep, he
doesn't know about it until the next morning?
A: Did you actually pass the bar exam?
___________________________________
Q: The youngest son, the twenty-year-old, how old is he?
_____________________________________
Q: Were you present when your picture was taken?
______________________________________
Q: So the date of conception (of the baby) was August 8th?
A: Yes.
Q: And what were you doing at that time?
______________________________________
Q: She had three children, right?
A: Yes.
Q: How many were boys?
A: None.
Q: Were there any girls?
______________________________________
Q: How was your first marriage terminated?
A: By death.
Q: And by whose death was it terminated?
______________________________________
Q: Can you describe the individual?
A: He was about medium height and had a beard.
Q: Was this a male or a female?
______________________________________
Q: Is your appearance here this morning pursuant to a deposition notice
which I sent to your attorney?
A: No, this is how I dress when I go to work.
______________________________________
Q: Doctor, how many autopsies have you performed on dead people?
A: All my autopsies are performed on dead people.
______________________________________
Q: ALL your responses MUST be oral, OK? What school did you go to?
A: Oral.
______________________________________
Q: Do you recall the time that you examined the body?
A: The autopsy started around 8:30 p.m.
Q: And Mr. Dennington was dead at the time?
A: No, he was sitting on the table wondering why I was doing an autopsy.
______________________________________
Q: Are you qualified to give a urine sample?

[goVZ]

Wouldn't surprise me....bloody yanks.

[ElMiNsT3r]

lol hahaah wouldnt suprise me

[hotholdens.com]

hahahahahahahahahah

[NHS]

Originally Posted by wildss

Q: Now doctor, isn't it true that when a person dies in his sleep, he
doesn't know about it until the next morning?
A: Did you actually pass the bar exam?

lmao

i would of loved to see the lawyers face right then!

[Fekason]

A number of years ago, a car side swipped my parked car in Newcastle just as I was approaching it.

I followed the car, and at the next lights, "politely" told the driver that he had hit my car. He just drove off through the red lights. I kept following him, and eventually he pulled up, locked his car and started to walk away.

I parked, and challenged him. To which, he said it was not his car. My assessment was that he had been drinking. He refused to show me his licence, or identify himself. In turn, I said that I would not let him back in his car, as he was not fit to drive.

This distressed him, and he asked how he was going to get home. I suggested that he walk, but he said it was too far.

After a little more standoff, I got a brain wave. I offered to drive him home. And he accepted!!

I tried to head to the Police Station, but he was on to that. So I dropped him off at an address, and departed around the corner. Parked, and then watched which place he entered.

Hurried back to pick up the wife and kids by the side of the road (you guessed it, I was not popular). After dropping the family at friends (we ere only visiting Newcastle that day), went to the Police Station to report the incident. Got a good response, and they went and collected said driver.

Anyhow, the statutory time for a breath test after an accident had passed before they found him hiding in bushes in the back yard. They bought him in for questioning, and charged him.

As there was no test result, the prosecution case depended on the court accepting me as an expert witness in "inebriation".

Anyhow, on the day of the hearing, the accused told the magistrate that I was wrong, and he had not been drinking that night. The magistrate asked him was this claim was so different to the statement made to the police on the night he was arrested.

His logical answer to that was, "It wasn't fair that they took a statement from me that night, considering the condition I was in!!!".

I didn't even need to give evidence. He was remanded for a pre-sentence report as he had previosuly had 4 DUI's.