i love this cracks me up everytime... this should be made a sticky thread
> > >1. Any Man who brings a camera to a stag night may be legally killed by
> > >his mates.
> > >2. Under no circumstances may two men share an umbrella.
> > >3. It is ok for a man to cry under the following circumstances:
> > >a. When a heroic dog dies to save its master.
> > >b. The moment Angelina Jolie starts unbuttoning her blouse.
> > >c. After wrecking your boss's car.
> > >d. One hour, 12 minutes, 37 seconds into "The Crying Game".
> > >e. When she is using her teeth.
> > >
> > >4. Unless he murdered someone in your family, you must bail a friend
> > >out of jail within 12 hours.
> > >5. If you've known a bloke for more than 24 hours, his sister is off
> > >limits forever, unless you actually marry her.
> > >6. Moaning about the brand of free beer in a mate's fridge is
> > >forbidden.
> > >Complain at will if the temperature is unsuitable.
> > >7. No man shall ever be required to buy a birthday present for another
> > >man.
> > >In fact, even remembering your mate's birthday is strictly optional.
> > >8. On a road trip, the strongest bladder determines pit stops, not the
> > >weakest.
> > >9. When stumbling upon other blokes watching a sporting event, you may
> > >ask the score of the game in progress, but you may never ask who's
>playing.
> > >10. You may be flatulent in front of a woman only after you have brought
> > >her to climax. If you trap her head under the covers for the purpose of
> > >flatulentent entertainment, she's officially your girlfriend.
> > >11. It is permissible to quaff a fruity alcopop drink only when you're
> > >sunning on a tropical beach...and it's delivered by a topless super
> > >model...and it's free.
> > >12. Only in situations of Moral and/or physical peril are you allowed to
> > >kick another bloke in the nuts.
> > >13. Unless you're in prison, never fight naked.
> > >14. Friends don't let friends wear Speedos. Ever.Issue closed.
> > >15. If a man's fly is down, that's his problem, you didn't see anything.
> > >16. Women who claim they "love to watch sports" must be treated as spies
> > >until they demonstrate knowledge of the game and the ability to drink as
> > >much as the other sports watchers.
> > >17. You must offer heartfelt and public condolences over the death of a
> > >girlfriend's cat, even if it was you who secretly set it on fire and
>threw
> > >it into a ceiling fan.
> > >18. A man in the company of a hot, suggestively dressed woman must
> > >remain sober enough to fight.
> > >19. Never hesitate to reach for the last beer or the last slice of
> > >pizza, but not both - that's just mean.
> > >20. If you compliment a bloke on his six-pack, you'd better be talking
> > >about his choice of beer.
> > >21. Never join your girlfriend or wife in discussing a Mate of yours,
> > >except if she's withholding sex pending your response.
> > >22. Phrases that may not be uttered to another man while lifting
> > >weights:
> > >
> > >a. Yeah, Baby, Push it!
> > >b. C'mon, give me one more! Harder !
> > >c. Another set and we can hit the showers!
> > >
> > >23. Never talk to a man in a bathroom unless you are on equal footing:
> > >Both urinating, both waiting in line, etc. For all other situations, an
> > >almost imperceptible nod is all the conversation you need.
> > >24. Never allow a telephone conversation with a woman to go on longer
> > >than you are able to have sex with her. Keep a stopwatch by the phone.
>Hang
> > >up if necessary.
> > >25. You cannot grass on a colleague who shows up at work with a massive
> > >hangover. You may however, hide the aspirin, smear his chair with cheese,
> > >turn the brightness dial all the way down so he thinks his monitor is
> > >broken, and have him paged over the loud speaker every seven minutes.
> > >26. The morning after you and a girl who was formerly "just a friend"
> > >have carnal drunken monkey sex, the fact that you're feeling weird and
> > >guilty is no reason not to nail her again before the discussion about
>what
> > >a
> > >big mistake it was.
> > >27. It is acceptable for you to drive her car. It is not acceptable for
> > >her to drive yours.
> > >28. Thou shalt not buy a car with an engine capacity of less than 1.5
> > >litres. Thou shall not really buy a car with less than 1.8 litres,16
> > >valves,
> > >and a turbo.
> > >29. Thou shalt not buy a car in the colours of brown, pink, lime green,
> > >orange or sky blue.
> > >30. The girl who replies to the question "What do you want for
> > >Christmas?" with "If you loved me, you'd know what I want!" gets
> > >Playstation2.
The official men's rules guide!!
