The official men's rules guide!!
i love this cracks me up everytime... this should be made a sticky thread
> > >1. Any Man who brings a camera to a stag night may be legally killed by
> > >his mates.
> > >2. Under no circumstances may two men share an umbrella.
> > >3. It is ok for a man to cry under the following circumstances:
> > >a. When a heroic dog dies to save its master.
> > >b. The moment Angelina Jolie starts unbuttoning her blouse.
> > >c. After wrecking your boss's car.
> > >d. One hour, 12 minutes, 37 seconds into "The Crying Game".
> > >e. When she is using her teeth.
> > >
> > >4. Unless he murdered someone in your family, you must bail a friend
> > >out of jail within 12 hours.
> > >5. If you've known a bloke for more than 24 hours, his sister is off
> > >limits forever, unless you actually marry her.
> > >6. Moaning about the brand of free beer in a mate's fridge is
> > >forbidden.
> > >Complain at will if the temperature is unsuitable.
> > >7. No man shall ever be required to buy a birthday present for another
> > >man.
> > >In fact, even remembering your mate's birthday is strictly optional.
> > >8. On a road trip, the strongest bladder determines pit stops, not the
> > >weakest.
> > >9. When stumbling upon other blokes watching a sporting event, you may
> > >ask the score of the game in progress, but you may never ask who's
>playing.
> > >10. You may be flatulent in front of a woman only after you have brought
> > >her to climax. If you trap her head under the covers for the purpose of
> > >flatulentent entertainment, she's officially your girlfriend.
> > >11. It is permissible to quaff a fruity alcopop drink only when you're
> > >sunning on a tropical beach...and it's delivered by a topless super
> > >model...and it's free.
> > >12. Only in situations of Moral and/or physical peril are you allowed to
> > >kick another bloke in the nuts.
> > >13. Unless you're in prison, never fight naked.
> > >14. Friends don't let friends wear Speedos. Ever.Issue closed.
> > >15. If a man's fly is down, that's his problem, you didn't see anything.
> > >16. Women who claim they "love to watch sports" must be treated as spies
> > >until they demonstrate knowledge of the game and the ability to drink as
> > >much as the other sports watchers.
> > >17. You must offer heartfelt and public condolences over the death of a
> > >girlfriend's cat, even if it was you who secretly set it on fire and
>threw
> > >it into a ceiling fan.
> > >18. A man in the company of a hot, suggestively dressed woman must
> > >remain sober enough to fight.
> > >19. Never hesitate to reach for the last beer or the last slice of
> > >pizza, but not both - that's just mean.
> > >20. If you compliment a bloke on his six-pack, you'd better be talking
> > >about his choice of beer.
> > >21. Never join your girlfriend or wife in discussing a Mate of yours,
> > >except if she's withholding sex pending your response.
> > >22. Phrases that may not be uttered to another man while lifting
> > >weights:
> > >
> > >a. Yeah, Baby, Push it!
> > >b. C'mon, give me one more! Harder !
> > >c. Another set and we can hit the showers!
> > >
> > >23. Never talk to a man in a bathroom unless you are on equal footing:
> > >Both urinating, both waiting in line, etc. For all other situations, an
> > >almost imperceptible nod is all the conversation you need.
> > >24. Never allow a telephone conversation with a woman to go on longer
> > >than you are able to have sex with her. Keep a stopwatch by the phone.
>Hang
> > >up if necessary.
> > >25. You cannot grass on a colleague who shows up at work with a massive
> > >hangover. You may however, hide the aspirin, smear his chair with cheese,
> > >turn the brightness dial all the way down so he thinks his monitor is
> > >broken, and have him paged over the loud speaker every seven minutes.
> > >26. The morning after you and a girl who was formerly "just a friend"
> > >have carnal drunken monkey sex, the fact that you're feeling weird and
> > >guilty is no reason not to nail her again before the discussion about
>what
> > >a
> > >big mistake it was.
> > >27. It is acceptable for you to drive her car. It is not acceptable for
> > >her to drive yours.
> > >28. Thou shalt not buy a car with an engine capacity of less than 1.5
> > >litres. Thou shall not really buy a car with less than 1.8 litres,16
> > >valves,
> > >and a turbo.
> > >29. Thou shalt not buy a car in the colours of brown, pink, lime green,
> > >orange or sky blue.
> > >30. The girl who replies to the question "What do you want for
> > >Christmas?" with "If you loved me, you'd know what I want!" gets
> > >Playstation2.
ha ha nice, except i've seen some pretty awesome orange cars.
come get me
Love it! & So true... guys tend not to ever fart in bed until this mystical time period & then all of a sudden its all on!!10. You may be flatulent in front of a woman only after you have brought her to climax. If you trap her head under the covers for the purpose of flatulentent entertainment, she's officially your girlfriend.
Hey, hey now, play nice you blokes....27. It is acceptable for you to drive her car. It is not acceptable for her to drive yours.
I think there is quite a few men whom need this lesson...28. Thou shalt not buy a car with an engine capacity of less than 1.5 litres. Thou shall not really buy a car with less than 1.8 litres,16 valves, and a turbo.
although there is some nice examples of some of these colours I also have this rule when car shopping...29. Thou shalt not buy a car in the colours of brown, pink, lime green, orange or sky blue.
w00t!! does it come with V8 Supercars, Need for Speed Underground & Spongebob??30. The girl who replies to the question "What do you want for Christmas?" with "If you loved me, you'd know what I want!" gets Playstation2.
D.
yes yes i know!!Originally Posted by veequ
3Y3 K4N 5P33K 1337.
very nice,
and renember, in order of speed i give the following
fastest: the work vehicle
2nd fastest: the Girlfriends / wives car
3rd fastest: yours
[most other cars]
2nd slowest: your mothers car
the slowest car in the world is *drum roll* Your fathers. because as we all know just like everyones car is their pride and joy, we must respect the pride and joy of our fathers.
[at least thats how i see it, thats open for debate]
attn Über geeks, i play Second life. Patrio Graysmark.
lol took me reading that about 4 times before i think i got it...are u talkin about the car u thrash most to the car u thrash least..
i would go with work to start defernatel.. but girlfriends not that high coz if she catchs ya u aint gonna get any so u gotta be careful. lol
Rules All Guys Should Know About Girls!!
Rules All Guys Should Know About Girls!!
(This is my response to yours tough guy!!)
1. Don't always expect us to call you.. The phone works both ways!! You know the drill!!
2. No matter if we're fat or not.. Most girls aren't as self-confident as guys! And we need to be complimented as often as possible!
3. Birthdays, Vday, & Anniversaries are important to us... Can't you remember
three important dates out of the whole year!? We remember them.. Why can't
you!?
4. You can't play around with our head no matter what the circumstances!!! It's not fair! Make up your mind!!!
5. Eight times out of ten......The boobs on TV or in magazines AREN'T REAL!!! So get over them!!
6. DO NOT act different or be a jerk around your friends.. It will get you in the end... (We remember these types of things)
7. Know the situations not to make stupid jokes!! It only makes you look like more of an ass!!
8. You're the guy, don't expect us to pay for your food!! It's bad enough if you're not paying for us!!
9. No matter what, we don't want to hear about another "chick" you dated, were interested in, kissed etc.
10. Don't make comments about our old boyfriends it only makes you look more jealous!!
11. If YOU kiss us.. Know that we're going to expect you to call us!!! Don't be an ass about it! YOU MADE THE MOVE!!
12. Being drunk is not an excuse for ANY of your actions!!!
13. "Hanging out with the guys" can not consume all your time!! We need time too!!
14. You can come shopping with us!! We would do it for you! So don't
complain the whole time!!!
15. You can put the toilet seat down.... That's how you found it!!
16. Don't make comments about our family... It's just something you don't do!!
17. If you kissed us in that past week... I DON'T CARE WHO SHE IS, WHAT SHE LOOKS LIKE OR HOW BIG HER BOOBS ARE... You are not supposes to kiss her too..!!
18. Do not brag to your friends...unless you want us to discuss with the
girls how small your penis is.....
19. Don't lead us on... Because we will talk about what a jerk you are, & it really doesn't give you a good reputation around the other girls you may be interested in!! Got it??
20. We don't want to ALWAYS want porn as much as you do!!
21. If we have a big game, meet, competition, or any kind of important
event... WE EXPECT YOU TO BE THERE!! It's just a given.
22. Don't move too fast.. It only makes us think how long it's REALLY been since you got some!! You'll know when we're ready okay?
23. You have to meet the rest of the family someday!! Just know how to act!!
24. "I love you" is a big step..... Don't say it if you don't mean it!!
25. Know our songs when they come on the radio.
26. Come & pick us up when we need you to.. Most of the time we just want to see you :-)
27. Be there for us when we need you. A smile, a call, a kiss, a hug, a
visit, or just listening can go a long way when we're done or mad at you.
28. Talk about your feelings sometimes... it helpls A LOT!!
29. Don't lie to us about anything!! You know we're going to find out eventually!!
30. Once we break up or break things off.. It's WRONG to be interested or date a close friend of ours!
31. If you make a promise & then break it.. WE'RE GOING TO BE PISSED! Just expect it.
32. Don't brag about the size of your manhood, It just makes you look really stupid.
33. DO NOT hit on or lead on numerous girls... Because it definitely sucks for you when we all find out... You just ruined your chances with all of us!!
34. Most of the time... If you have a car, you have kissed us before, &
you're the same place we are... There is a possibility we might ask you for a ride home if we really need it, don't get mad... It's really not that big of a deal!!!!
35. Don't cheat on your girlfriends with us... It puts us both in a real bad situation.
36. We have PMS every month.. Please just try to understand... We don't feel good, we're angry, and we're emotional.. DON'T FIGHT WITH US.. It's just something you don't want to do.
37. Most of the things you do reflects back on us in some way.. or
effects us in some way.... Don't do anything stupid!
38. If you still have feelings for your ex, don't get involved with us.. We'd rather not be in the middle of that one!!
39. Don't get involved with us or do anything with us if you don't want
anyone to know about it! Or don't expect anything to happen between us ... It's really not that hard at all!!!
3Y3 K4N 5P33K 1337.
*rolls up sleves*
lets see...
Rules All Guys Should Know About Girls!!
(This is my response to yours tough guy!!)
1. Don't always expect us to call you.. The phone works both ways!! You know the drill!! - Fair go but blokes are happy with a g'day how you doing today, personally i hate the phone.
2. No matter if we're fat or not.. Most girls aren't as self-confident as guys! And we need to be complimented as often as possible! - thats a given. wont argue that one.
3. Birthdays, Vday, & Anniversaries are important to us... Can't you remember
three important dates out of the whole year!? We remember them.. Why can't
you!? - natural man programming.
4. You can't play around with our head no matter what the circumstances!!! It's not fair! Make up your mind!!! - we play with YOUR head!?
5. Eight times out of ten......The boobs on TV or in magazines AREN'T REAL!!! So get over them!! - but its fun to live the dream
6. DO NOT act different or be a jerk around your friends.. It will get you in the end... (We remember these types of things) - its what we do, i behave slightly differently around different mates.
7. Know the situations not to make stupid jokes!! It only makes you look like more of an ass!! - we are cursed with bad timing. but fair go.
8. You're the guy, don't expect us to pay for your food!! It's bad enough if you're not paying for us!! - "tell me now before i spend $$ on <Item>"
9. No matter what, we don't want to hear about another "chick" you dated, were interested in, kissed etc. - fair go.
10. Don't make comments about our old boyfriends it only makes you look more jealous!! - not guilty.
11. If YOU kiss us.. Know that we're going to expect you to call us!!! Don't be an ass about it! YOU MADE THE MOVE!! - hmmm i can agree with that but it doesnt hurt to drop a line and say "hey whats up"
12. Being drunk is not an excuse for ANY of your actions!!! - its a god given right of an excuse thankyouverymuchly!
13. "Hanging out with the guys" can not consume all your time!! We need time too!! - i can agree but hanging out requires hard work and dediction!
14. You can come shopping with us!! We would do it for you! So don't
complain the whole time!!! - not much of a shopper so my argument is not valid
15. You can put the toilet seat down.... That's how you found it!! - you can change the location of the toilet seat, we do it. it doesnt hurt
16. Don't make comments about our family... It's just something you don't do!! - whole heartily agree.
17. If you kissed us in that past week... I DON'T CARE WHO SHE IS, WHAT SHE LOOKS LIKE OR HOW BIG HER BOOBS ARE... You are not supposes to kiss her too..!! - "......."
18. Do not brag to your friends...unless you want us to discuss with the
girls how small your penis is..... chicks talk about guys and guys talk about chicks. how personal we go depends on the listener.
19. Don't lead us on... Because we will talk about what a jerk you are, & it really doesn't give you a good reputation around the other girls you may be interested in!! Got it?? - i can only reply with "Why lie?"
20. We don't want to ALWAYS want porn as much as you do!! - agreed.
21. If we have a big game, meet, competition, or any kind of important
event... WE EXPECT YOU TO BE THERE!! It's just a given. - agreeable
22. Don't move too fast.. It only makes us think how long it's REALLY been since you got some!! You'll know when we're ready okay? - sublte hints dont work, obvious hins dont work, just tell us :P
23. You have to meet the rest of the family someday!! Just know how to act!! - refer above.
24. "I love you" is a big step..... Don't say it if you don't mean it!! - i know that from experience. and i regret having to learn it.
25. Know our songs when they come on the radio. - OH **** NO! if i hear another chick swoon when kelly clarkson comes on im going to commit a murder.
26. Come & pick us up when we need you to.. Most of the time we just want to see you :-) ...? huh. im too stupid to understand that.
27. Be there for us when we need you. A smile, a call, a kiss, a hug, a
visit, or just listening can go a long way when we're done or mad at you. - support is essential. goes without saying.
28. Talk about your feelings sometimes... it helpls A LOT!! - same goes for you!
29. Don't lie to us about anything!! You know we're going to find out eventually!! - again, why lie. not worth the future stress.
30. Once we break up or break things off.. It's WRONG to be interested or date a close friend of ours! how is it wrong?
31. If you make a promise & then break it.. WE'RE GOING TO BE PISSED! Just expect it. thats a given
32. Don't brag about the size of your manhood, It just makes you look really stupid. its not the size of the boat, its the motion in the ocean.
33. DO NOT hit on or lead on numerous girls... Because it definitely sucks for you when we all find out... You just ruined your chances with all of us!! - "playin" is a tricky game which should only be attempted by skilled professionals.
34. Most of the time... If you have a car, you have kissed us before, &
you're the same place we are... There is a possibility we might ask you for a ride home if we really need it, don't get mad... It's really not that big of a deal!!!! - you kidding me? i LOVE driving. i'd drive to japan if i could.
35. Don't cheat on your girlfriends with us... It puts us both in a real bad situation. - cheating is lying.
36. We have PMS every month.. Please just try to understand... We don't feel good, we're angry, and we're emotional.. DON'T FIGHT WITH US.. It's just something you don't want to do. - known fact.
37. Most of the things you do reflects back on us in some way.. or
effects us in some way.... Don't do anything stupid! - that works two ways.
38. If you still have feelings for your ex, don't get involved with us.. We'd rather not be in the middle of that one!! - depends on strength of said feelings.
39. Don't get involved with us or do anything with us if you don't want
anyone to know about it! Or don't expect anything to happen between us ... It's really not that hard at all!!! - ......k
well admitabbly i agreed to half those statements but there are some borderlines and the song one i totally disagree with.
in the end i suppose its all about communication and expression.
attn Über geeks, i play Second life. Patrio Graysmark.
those 2 were kind of a drag.. mine was funny
Infidel Bear
Mini Putt 2 Champion!
You could also put it up after your finished with it
love your response, *rolls up sleves* and which ones don't you agree with?
hmmmmmmmmmmmmm
3Y3 K4N 5P33K 1337.
read though it i've annoted it with -<response>
the song one was the big no no on my end.
attn Über geeks, i play Second life. Patrio Graysmark.
WES_VN
Vote For Pedro
yeah if girls put the toilet seat up when they were done id put it down when i was
your a smart guy!
Vote For Pedro
couldnt be bothered reading the second or third to find the quote BUT>>
WOMEN THINK ( thats where they went wrong to start with ) THAT WE ARE LAZY FOR NOT PUTTING THE TOILET SEAT DOWN.. WELL .. WHO IS LAZY ENOUGH TO SIT DOWN TO PISS IN THE FIRST PLACE.. ???????????????????????????????
feel the fury
ooohhh... dangerous words my friend....
I dont wish to offend, but somebody comes with a 'high maintenence' tag! Then they whinge & bitch about child birth! If it was that hard, men would have to do it!
Oh no,what have i done........
AVGJO3
BULLSHIT...I think my dad would die the day I ever had a faster car than him...*touch wood*
Everything is possible for him who believes. Mark 9:23
What i see wi the toilet seat thingy is. A man has to bend down, lift up the seat and tinkle... a chick just has to tap it for it to go down, then they sit down... how about we leave the seat down and wizz al over it
15. You can put the toilet seat down.... That's how you found it!! - you can change the location of the toilet seat, we do it. it doesnt hurt
amen to that, we have that understanding at my place now.... and so beith we have peace!
vpbeast gave us general rules for men, ponygirl gave us rules FOR men also. why dont us dude have rules for the chicks?
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