50 things men wish women knew

[TVR-190]

1. We aren’t mind readers!

2. We are not to be used as pawns in trying to make your girlfriends jealous.

3. When you sleep over never boss me around in bed unless it is during sex.

4. Smoking is the biggest turn off.

5. It never hurts to work out.

6. If you don’t want to hear the truth, don’t ask the question.

7. “Fine or “whatever is not an appropriate ending to a conversation.

8. If you want sex, just ask. (In case you didn’t already know.)

9. Don’t expect guys to say as many sweet things as they do in the movies. (It takes a lot of guys and their wives to come up with those scripts).

10.Only models are able to wear most of the stuff you see in fashion magazines.

11. No guy will complain if he comes home and sees you in one of the following outfits: French Maid, School girl, bunny, or just plain naked.

12. You don’t need lingerie to look sexy before bed, short cotton shorts and a tank top are fine by us.

13. Girls look good naked so stop worrying.

14. Sharing your deepest feelings in no way guarantees reciprocity.

15. We are all kinky and willing to try anything that you may enjoy, just let us know.

16. Every so often no matter whether it is true or not remind us that we have the biggest penis you’ve ever dealt with.

17. If were not getting love we’ll start looking…(haha…just kidding…psych…I’m dead serious)

18. The greatest thing ever is to watch a girl touch herself.

19. Most of the time when I fantasize it is about another person.

20. If you, the girl, make out with another girl we won’t consider it cheating. Actually we strongly promote this behavior.

21. Your hair is like 14 inches long, how are we supposed to notice a quarter inch missing.

22. You shouldn’t be flattered or grossed out if we get an erection when dancing with you. All we need is Friction.

23. Porn…hmmm…Porn. Watching porn is like breathing it would just be wrong to ask us to stop.

24. We masturbate, usually more when we are in a relationship, can’t explain it but it is just fact.

25. Blue balls are not sporting equipment. Didn’t your parents teach you not to quit.

26. Giving head is never a bad idea.

27. We are conservationists at heart, water is our biggest love, so shower with us.

28. There are four acceptable ways to wake up: (1) You on top of us. (2) Getting head. (3) Some sort of breakfast. (4) some combination of the previous three.


29. We don’t mind going to gay movies with you but don’t tell our friends.

30. You can’t hold it against us if we cry after sports movies or “Old yeller.

31. “The game is on is an acceptable excuse to avoid any serious conversation.

32. Any harsh contact with the testicles should be assumed a serious injury but soft caresses are strongly encouraged.

33. You’re probably not as funny as you think.

34. Brad Pitt is probably a cool guy but if I hear one more girl say “he’s so hot he may have to die.

35. Your period should be referred to as Blowjob week. (Influenced by a Maxim article)

36. Cooking makes a girl that much more attractive especially if she can use a grill.

37. You can’t get mad if we refuse to hook up your “ugly friend with one of our friends.

38. For every fart that slips out when you are around we successfully hold in about 15, enduring excruciating pain to do this.

39. If we want to take naked pictures of you it is because we are proud and want to show you off to our friends.

40. The red light means the video camera is off.

41. A guy should be considered sensitive if he asks whether you want to do it with the lights on or off.

42. Whip cream and chocolate syrup are not just condiments for ice cream also Altoids just don’t make your breath fresher.

43. Nothing you will ever do will entitle you to operate the remote control. (Unless operating means handing it to us.)

44. The only thing left to be said after sex is “goodnight.

45. Video games have helped us develop such finger skills that should only encourage us to play more often.

46. Critiquing our driving is only second to critiquing our love making.

47. Guys nights out are sacred events. If we answer questions we could be castrated.

48. If you ask us to go shopping you have to at least entertain the idea of having sex in a changing room.

49. The jeans don’t make your ass look fat. Your fat ass makes your ass look fat.

50. 99.5% of the time we didn’t mean to hurt you.

[Kikki]

I could attempt to break this down and debate 90% of it... but meh I wont

[savage1987]

Pure gold.

Greatly loving #28 and #48.

[Deutscher]

awesome. Always love reading these.

#19 & #20 made me actually lol

[Jesterarts]

#28 FTW!

[SquishyShoes]

49. The jeans don’t make your ass look fat. Your fat ass makes your ass look fat.

Epic. Nuff said.

[Kikki]

1. When you see a girl with huge knockers, do not go "Damn!" and then laugh appreciatively to yourself - we can hear you.

2. Whenever possible, please say whatever you have to say during commercials.

3. If you don't act like soap-opera guys, don't expect us to dress like Victoria Secret models.

4. Mark anniversaries on a calendar.

5. There is no such thing as too much spooning.

6. Just because you L the C doesn't mean we have to S the D.

7. This is how we see it . . . Don't call = Don't Care.

8. Which also means that if we don't call, take the hint.

9. We like you to be a little jealous . . . but overly possessive is not necessary.

10. Putting things in our butt does not turn us on.

11. Return favors: we massage, you massage; we shave, you shave (and not just your face).

12. Foreplay is not an option . . . its a prerequisite.

13. We're allowed to be late . . . you are not.

14. Eye contact is key.

15. Don't take longer to get ready than we do.

16. Laugh at our jokes.

17. Three words . . . honesty, honesty, honesty.

18. Girls can be groupies. Guy groupies are stalkers.

19. We never have to wonder if your orgasm was real.

20. Do not start with us. You will not win... not kidding .. we ALWAYS win

21. Would you like it if a guy treated your sister that way? We didn't think so.

22. If you ask nicely, we usually answer the same way.

23. We will never have enough clothes or shoes! Ever!

24. We have an excuse to act bitchy at least once a month. Come on guys...most of you have more PMS then us girls..

25. Open the door for us no matter where we are . . . even at our house and getting into the car. I know it seems like a lot but is it that hard?

26. We love surprises!

27. We liked to be kissed softly, not with an iron tongue.

28. Pay attention to the little things we do, because they mean the most.

29. Boxers and maybe boxer briefs sometimes . . . NEVER whitey-tighties, NEVER!

30. Clean your room/house before we come over.... we're not there to do it for you.

31. Always brush your teeth before you see us . . . a fresh mouth and white teeth are a necessity plus we do the same for you.

32. When we use our teeth it means that you suck at going down on us, so we are just returning the favor.

33. Even though you are sometimes insensitive and hurt us, we still love you with everything we are.

34. Sometimes even when you think we hate you, we don't, we just want you to apologize so we can be allowed to love you again

35. Don't act hard around your friends because I won't make you hard tonight. AKA don't be an ass

36. Sometimes "NO!" really means "NO!"

37. "Wife Beaters" are not an adequate form of fashion.

38. If we wanted to be on video tape, we'd be a porn star not your girlfriend.

39. Sensitive guys are great . . . but crying more than we do in a movie just isn't right.

40. Don't let ex-girlfriends cause drama, relationships are stressful enough!!!!!

41. It takes a special kind of stupid to forget birthdays.

42. Guys who are good cuddlers = guys who know how to satisfy a woman.

43. "Fat Chicks" have feelings too....all chicks have feelings.

44. Silent treatment + shoulder shrugs + tears + yelling + nasty looks = YOU DID SOMETHING WRONG!

45. If you are not a good dancer, please be self-aware.

46. Just because a girl doesn't pick up on the first ring doesn't mean she's not waiting by the phone.

47. You don't have to spend a lot, if it means a lot.

48. Don't say you love me if you don't mean it.

49. Don't lie to us . . . we will catch you...eventually we always catch you.

50. When the girls get together, we talk about EVERYTHING. Meaning my best friends knows everything about you.

And the final quote too make it 51 and beat your 50.....

Sex and the City Guy says: Well then c'mon....give me a BJ. Up and down a couple of times; you're done....its easy!!

Samantha replies: Easy? You men have no idea what we're dealing with down there; Teeth placement and jaw stress and suction and gag reflex and all the while bopping up and down, moaning, and trying to breathe through our noses. Easy? Honey....they don't call it a job for nothing!

[Melissa]

21. Your hair is like 14 inches long, how are we supposed to notice a quarter inch missing.

But you'll notice if your mates car has been lowered 1cm...

[lil_mickey]

But you'll notice if your mates car has been lowered 1cm...

Lol, True...

[JonnyDe]

But you'll notice if your mates car has been lowered 1cm...

Ha, touche

[Demonica]

Kikki you're a friggin legend!!!!

[Stressball]

And the final quote too make it 51 and beat your 50.....

Surely you realise that the majority of that list are you claiming "US WOMEN DESERVE SPECIAL TREATMENT BECAUSE WE'RE WOMEN!", right?

Oh and, numbers 17 and 50 are opposites. You can't have it both ways.

[the_trademarc]

Finally a sweet thread worth passing on here! Love it!

[Delish-VY]

lol, the blokes one was funny the girls one was just naggy and annoying, you"ll never keep a bloke if you have those kinds of opinions haha

[s_ikari2015]

RE: 51... if you actually enjoy giving BJ's, it's never a job. This is the problem with 99% of heterosexual relations. Women don't like to lick it.

[Kikki]

RE: 51... if you actually enjoy giving BJ's, it's never a job. This is the problem with 99% of heterosexual relations. Women don't like to lick it.

Perhaps if it were worth it, it wouldn't be at 99%.

[immortality]

Perhaps if it were worth it, it wouldn't be at 99%.

reciprocate........ guys have no trouble going down. especially as you say, you maintain it down there

and i find shaving to be a pain. to much trouble with re-growth/ stuble. waxing is better or one of those little machines that pulls em out

[Kikki]

well... I didn't mean shaving/waxing, doesn't everyone do that nowadays?

I was talking more... errrm size.

*backs out of thread* BUH BYE!

[immortality]

well... I didn't mean shaving/waxing, doesn't everyone do that nowadays

really

11. Return favors: we massage, you massage; we shave, you shave (and not just your face).

was talking more... errrm size.

not had any trouble there either 6'6" with really big feet and big hands with long fingers

backs out of thread* BUH BYE

now come one, you choose to counter the funny, we deserve the right of reply

boys will be boys and we only think with our small heads

[SV62NV]

1. When you see a girl with huge knockers, do not go "Damn!" and then laugh appreciatively to yourself - we can hear you.

Hahahahaha, so guilty of that! But i say it in more of a 'OH DAYAM!' way

10. Putting things in our butt does not turn us on.

Seriously made me lol at work I love this thread

[Rolla_Rolla']

I lol'ed hahaha

This thread is full of pure WIN !

[Maci]

#16 and #32 give me the lols