Friday funnies

[Old Colts in Oz]

Pinched these from another forum:

How do you fit 54 Jews in a Renault Clio?
2 in the front, 2 in the back and 50 in the ashtray.

My wife said to me, "I'm fed up with you being so lazy, pack your bags and leave."
I said, "You pack them."

I broke up with my girlfriend today, she asked me if its really over. I told her it couldn't be more over if she started singing.

I was asked to descibe my life in a nut shell.
"Well, it's very dark and cramped."

Breaking news.....
Because of the recession, there has been some necessary corporate restructuring. The (somewhat unlikely) mega-merger has been announced between Zippo Lighters, Audi Cars, Du Pont and Dairy Farmers.
The new company will be called ZipAudiDuDa.

When someone texts me ROFL, I always imagine Scooby-Doo trying to say waffle.

Alcohol is never the answer......
Unless the question is, "What is C2H5OH?"

Walked into Sanity and the assistant said "Good morning".
I said, "You too".
He said, "Second aisle, first shelf on the left".
Funny ****er.

Need a screwdriver with a long shaft to do the job?
Let's torque.

My girlfriend told me I suffer from a lack of imagination.
I said, "Yeah? Well you suffer from a lack of imagination".
That showed her.

I just bought R Kelly's new album.
There was a sticker on the cellophane. It read, 'Please keep this rapper away from babies and small children.'

So many Michael Jackson jokes around. There are so many immature arseholes - it is what he would have wanted.

[V8Silverfox]

What the so so so wrong

[Old Colts in Oz]

I've edited out the dodgey ones so hopefully the rest are ok...