Quotes by The Simpsons

[simmo 76]

I don't know if this has been done on here yet so enjoy...

Ahh, Beer! My one weakness...my Achilles Heel, if you will...

Mmmm...Sacrelicious!

My baloney has a first name, its h-o-m-e-r, My baloney has a second name, its h-o-m-e-r...

Be quiet, Brain, or I'll stab you with a Q-tip.

Just because I don't care doesn't mean I don't understand.

Alright Brain, you don't like me, and I don't like you. But lets just do this, and I can get back to killing you with beer.

Marge! Look at all this great stuff I found at the Marina. It was just sitting in some guy's boat!

The other day I was so desperate for a beer, I snuck into the football stadium and ate the dirt under the bleachers.

A hundred bucks for a comic book? Who drew it, Michaelmelangelo?

If he is so smart, how come he is dead?

And how is education supposed to make me feel smarter? Besides, every time I learn something new, it pushes some old stuff out of my brain. Remember when I took that home winemaking course, and I forgot how to drive?

If something goes wrong at the plant, blame the guy who can't speak English.

I don't apologize. I am sorry Lisa, that's the way I am.

Remember as far as anyone knows, we're a nice normal family.

This donut has purple in the middle, purple is a fruit.

Be quiet, Brain, or I'll stab you with a Q-tip.

AHHH. Donuts. . . What can't they do.

You never know when an old calendar might come in handy! Sure, it's not 1985 right now, but who knows what tomorrow will bring?

Guys are always patting my bald head for luck, pinching my belly to hear my girlish laugh...

If something is too hard,give it up. The moral my boy is too never try anything

What about those red balls they have on car aerials so you can spot your car in a park. I think all cars should have them!

The other day I was so desperate for a beer, I snuck into the football stadium and ate the dirt under the bleachers.

[STEALTHY™]

I'd like to show my disgust for you not putting up the BEST one.

"Hmmm, I'm gonna save the environment my own way.......mmmmmm donuts "

[EllaBella]

Homer no function beer well without.

HOMER: Not enough TV and beer make homer something something
MARGE: Go crazy?
HOMER: Dont mind if i doooooo.....

Trying is the first step to failure

Ah alcohol.... the cause and solution to all lifes problems

You dont snuggle with max power - you strap yourself on and feel the G's!

Apu I need a keg and a 6pack to hold me till i tap the keg

Look, the thing about my family is there's five of us. Marge, Bart, Girl Bart, the one who doesn't talk, and the fat guy. How I loathe him.

Weaseling out of things is important to learn. It's what separates us from the animals ... except the weasel.

Homer: From now on, there are three ways to do things: the right way, the wrong way, and the Max Power way.
Bart: Isn't that just the wrong way?
Homer: Yeah, but faster!

I'm normally not a praying man, but if youre up there, please save me superman!

Marge: This is the worst thing you've ever done.
Homer: You say that so often that it lost its meaning.

You couldn't fool your own mother on the foolingest day of your life with an electrified fooling machine!

I like my beer cold, my TV loud and my homosexuals flaming.

Son, when you participate in sporting events, it's not whether you win or lose: it's how drunk you get.

Marge, I'm going to miss you so much. And it's not just the sex. It's also the food preparation.

[fourstar82]

Now son, you don't want to drink beer. Thats for Daddy's, and kids with fake IDs.

Marge, it takes two to lie. One to lie and one to listen.

You couldn't fool your mother on the foolingest day of your life if you had an electrified fooling machine.

Marge, don't discourage the boy! Weasling out of things is important to learn. It's what seperates us from the animals! Except the weasel...

If you really want something in life you have to work for it. Now quiet, they're about to announce the lottery numbers!

To alcohol! The cause of- and solution to- all of life's problems!

Lisa, if the Bible has taught us nothing else- and it hasn't- it's that girls should stick to girls' sports, such as hot oil wrestling and foxy boxing and such and such.

[semmi]

Marge, it takes two to lie. One to lie and one to listen.

That's my personal favourite, I use that on people all the time (it doesn't usually work though...)

[simmo 76]

I reckon that Ralph Wiggum is a funny lil bugger too

Me fail English, thats unpossible

[NORTI]

The doctor said I wouldnt get so many nose bleeds if I just learn to keep my finger out of there...

My cats breath smells like cat food.




I am evil Homer, I am evil Homer... --- one of my very fav Homer ones that havent been said yet :P

Also --- quick operator whats the number for 911 ??

You fingers are too fat too dial, please mash the keypad now if you would like to order a dialing wand.

Look at that flubber fly...

Fugu ME!

How about Busty LeRue?

You came, and you gave me a turkey, on my vacation away from worky....



What about Bart/Moe ??? Amanda Kiss'nHug, I need a Amanda Kiss'nHug... lol Seymour Butts, I wanna Seymour Butts.... lmao


i could just go on & on.... I love the Simpsons :P


D.

[semi]

thats impressive and im not easily impressed. Hey look - a blue car

and ralph...
(rolling fruit down the bus) lisa: go apple someone else: go grapefruit
ralph: GO BANANA!

[Rufus®]

my fav...

Speed limits are just a suggestion....... like pants.

You don't make friends with Salad.

[Julie]

You don't make friends with Salad.

Reminded me of this one:

Homer: Are you saying you're never going to eat any animal again? What about bacon?
Lisa: No.
Homer: Ham?
Lisa: No.
Homer: Pork chops?
Lisa: Dad, those all come from the same animal.
Homer: Heh heh heh. Ooh, yeah, right, Lisa. A wonderful, magical animal.

[Julie]

Another

Marge: Homer, the plant called. They said if you don't show up tomorrow don't bother showing up on Monday.
Homer: Woo-hoo. Four-day weekend.

[simmo 76]

Yeah, The Simpson's rule.

Big brother representative: Now, Mr. Simpson, may I ask why
you're here?
Homer's brain: Don't say revenge. Don't say revenge.
Homer: Ummm... revenge?
Homer's brain: Okay, that's it. I'm outta here.
(step step step step step...slam)


Old man: Take this doll, but beware; it carries a terrible
curse.
Homer: Ooo, that's bad.
Old man: But it comes with a free serving of frozen yogurt!
Homer: That's good!
Old man: The frozen yogurt is also cursed.
Homer: That's bad.
Old man: But it comes with your choice of toppings!
Homer: That's good!
Old man: The toppings contain potassium benzoate...
Homer: (confused look)
Old man: That's bad.
Homer: Can I go now?


Homer's brain: Use reverse psychology.
Homer: Oh, that sounds too complicated.
Homer's brain: Okay, don't use reverse psychology.
Homer: Okay, I will!



Lisa: Dad, we did something very bad!
Homer: Did you wreck the car?
Bart: No.
Homer: Did you raise the dead?
Lisa: Yes.
Homer: But the car's okay?
Bart & Lisa: Uh-huh.
Homer: All right then.



Homer : What's the point of going out? We're just going to
wind up back here anyway.

[253PWR]

not homer but the nature guy:
u r now in charge of the welfare of the screamapillar
lisa:look here it says without constant care it will die, its sexually attracted to fire...
homer:does god want this thing to die?

if i want my 10yr old son working in a burlesque house, then my 10 yr old son will work in a burlesque house. (sees marge behind crowd) oh hi marge, now, ur gunna here a lot of crazy rumours about bart working in a burlesque house...

guy on movie: oh no, it looks like we've been....LEFT BELOW
homerh no, ive heard that before somewhere
lisa:its the title of the movie dad
homer:ah it all fits....

homer: THE WHO? i love bands!

homer: a school reunion? ill be reunited with all my schoolboy chums, ralph malf, the fonz
marge: homer that was happy days
homer:no, they weren't all happy days.

homer: hello my name is mister burns, i believe u have a letter for me
postal guy: ok mister burns whats ur first name?
homer: i dont know

AT SCHOOL REUNION
guy: barney where is ur cumberbund?
barney: (looks down) it fell in the toilet

clown:now the award for most weight gained. well kiss my grits its homer simpson. how did u do it homer?
homer: i discovered a meal between breakfast and brunch

[Big_Red]

yes simpsons are all good but one of my favorites is the comet episode
kent brockman: due to a comet heading towards the earth the following people are gay.........................
marge: homer turn that off
homer:just a minute (with a pad and pen)

[ucwepn]

Bart: are those possums?
Homer: I call the big one bitey.

Ralf: My cats breath smells like cat food.

DR.Nick: heyyy did you go to hollywood upstairs medical college as well?

Dr.Nick: you have a rare condition where the skeleton tries to leave the body by jumping out of the mouth, I'll need a golf cart with a 1000volt capacitor,

[killuminati]

Bart: Man these uniforms suck
Marge: BART! I dont want you using language like that, where did you learn it anyway?
Homer (Ony Phone): Boy that team last night sucked, they just plain sucked, ive seen teams suck before but they were the suckiest bunch of sucks that ever sucked


Lisa (sleep talking): I want to help you George Washington!
Bart: I want to help you George Washingon? Even your dreams are square


Homer: I have 2 questions, 1. Wheres the Fife? 2. Give me the fife.


Homer: Marge, wheres that... thing, used to... dig... food?
Marge: You mean a spoon?
Homer: Yeah yeah yeah!


Marge: What happened here?
Homer: Oh, just a little case of the BOOGYMAN!!

[semmi]

Dad, you killed the zombie Flanders! He was a zombie?

Colonel Klink, why have you forsaken me?

Tramapoline! Trabopoline!

Well if it isn't the leader of the weiner partol, boning up on his nerd lessons!

[simmo 76]

Sorry folks, I should of called this thread, Quotes from The Simpson's. :b:

Feel free to do so moderators

[simmo 76]

RALPH: Mrs. Krabapple and Principal Skinner were in the closet making babies and I saw one of the babies and the baby looked at me.

MISS HOOVER: Now, take out your red crayons.
RALPH: Miss Hoover?
MISS HOOVER: Yes Ralph?
RALPH: I don't have a red crayon.
MISS HOOVER: Why not?
RALPH: I ate it.

RALPH: Mr. Simpson.. the tar fumes are making me dizzy.
HOMER: Yeah.. they'll do that.

CHALMERS: Are these children as smart as they look?
PRINCIPAL SKINNER: Well, let's pick one at random... ummmm how about that one?
CHALMERS: You mean this boy here?
SKINNER: Nooo! Lisa Simpson.
CHALMERS: When was the Battle of New Orleans?
LISA: January 8th, 1815. Two weeks after the war ended.
CHALMERS: First rate.
RALPH: What's a battle? <<<whats a battle hahahahahaha -turbocal

RALPH: I beat the smart kids! I beat the smart kids! (trips) Oooooh... I bent my wookie.

RALPH: My cat's breath smells like cat food.

RALPH: Miss Hoover, I glued my head to my shoulders.

RALPH: What's for lunch tomorrow?
PRODUCER: Next.
RALPH: Chicken necks?

RALPH: Miss Hoover?
MISS HOOVER: Yes, Ralph, what is it?
RALPH: My worm went in my mouth and I then ate it, can I have another one?
MISS HOOVER: No Ralph there aren't anymore. Just try to sleep while the other children are learning.
RALPH: Oh boy Sleep! That's where I'm a Viking!

MISS HOOVER: Children, I won't be staying long. I just came from the doctor, and I have lyme disease. Principal Skinner will run the class until a substitute arrives.
RALPH: What's lyme disease?

MISS HOOVER: You see, class, my lyme disease turned out to be (spells it on the board) psychosomatic.
RALPH: Does that mean you're crazy?

RALPH: I look like cable TV! (After being soaked in fake blood)

SKINNER: And special awards go to the two students who obviously had no help from their parents: Lisa Simpson and Ralph Wiggum.
RALPH: I'm Idaho!
SKINNER: Yes, of course you are.

Hoover's class is reading essays entitled "The Happiest Day Of My Life."
RALPH: ... and when the doctor said I didn't have worms anymore, that was the happiest day of my life.
MISS HOOVER: Thank you, Ralph. Very graphic.

[I LIKE COMMODORES]

Bart: ahah that is soo gay

[burnz]

MRS crabapple on strike (stelthys) purple monkey dishwasher

[burnz]

yep the chair moisener from sector 7G

[DJ Majah]

I used to have a web site devoted to Homer Quotes, then my mate decided he didnt want to pay for hosting, or the domain name any more...and didnt tell me first, oh well.

My favourite:
Homer: "Flancrest Enterprises?"
Ned is also checking his mail, "Oops, thats for me, Flancrest Enterprises is my home business"
Homer: "You liar, you dont have a home business, why would you make up a lie like that?"
Ned:"Noo, it's true, Maude and I sell religious hook rugs over the internet"
Homer: "Internet ehy?"
Ned: "Yes indeedy, making some good scratch too"
Homer: "Scratch ehy?"
Ned: "Yep"
Homer: "Maude ehy?"

[STEALTHY™]

Moe : This thing can flash fry a buffalo in 3 minutes
Homer : aww 3 minutes...i want it now!

[bitch]

homer's best peice of advice about women:

if she says "nothings wrong" ....somethings wrong
if she says "somethings wrong" ......you better believe somethings wrong
and if she says "somethings not funny"...... boy you better not laugh your ass off