stolen from else where.............
My neighbour knocked on my door at 2:30am this morning,
can you believe that 2:30am?!
Luckily for him I was still up playing my Bagpipes.
I sat on the train this morning opposite a stunning Thai girl.
I kept thinking to myself, please don't get an erection, please don't get an erection...
but she did.
Did you hear about the fat alcoholic transvestite?
All he wanted to do was eat, drink and be Mary.
Paddy says "Mick, I'm thinking of buying a labrador."
"F*ck that" says Mick
"Have you seen how many of their owners go blind"
Man calls 000 and says "I think my wife is dead"
The operator says how do you know?
He says "The sex is the same but the ironing is building up!
I was in bed with a blind girl last night and she said that I had the
biggest penis she had ever laid her hands on.
I said "You're pulling my leg"
Spent $40 on ebay last week for a penis enlarger.
Just opened it and some bastard's sent me a magnifying glass!
I saw a poor old lady fall over today on the ice!!
At least I presume she was poor - she only had $1.20 in her purse.
Went for my routine check up today and everything seemed to be going fine
until he stuck his index finger up my a*se!
Do you think I should change dentists?
HAHAHA for someone that has done a few up top deployments a word from the wise to travellers... stay away from the local women!, if shes one of the best looking girls in the room she is really a HE, and if you must go near the local girls dont be shy go for the grab just to make sure!!
Going where no late model stato/caprice has gone before.... GAME ON!!