just a couple

[tr3nt]

A police officer pulled over a driver and informed him that because he was wearing his seat belt, he had just won $5,000 in a safety competition.

"What are you going to do with the prize money?" the officer asked.

The man responded, "I guess I'll go to driving school and get my license."

At that moment, his wife, who was seated next to him, chimed in, "Officer, don't listen to him. He's a smart aleck when he's drunk."

This woke up the guy in the back seat, who, when he saw the cop, blurted out, "I knew we wouldn't get far in this stolen car."

At that moment, there was a knock from the trunk and a voice asked, "Are we over the border yet?"

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The car was pulled over by a highway patrol for speeding. As the officer was writing the ticket, he noticed several machetes in the car. "What are those for?" he asked suspiciously.

"I'm a juggler," the man replied. "I use those in my act."

"Well, show me," the officer demanded.

The juggler took out the machetes and started juggling them; first three, then more until he was tossing seven at one time, overhand, underhand, behind the back, putting on a dazzling show in the breakdown lane and amazing the officer.

Just then, another car passed by. The driver did a double take, and said, "My God. I've got to give up drinking! Look at the test they're giving now."

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Basic rules for Driving in Sydney

# Turn signals will give away your next move. A real Sydney driver never uses them.

# Under no circumstances should you leave a safe distance between you and the car in front of you, or somebody else will fill in thatspace putting you in an even more dangerous situation.

# Crossing two or more lanes in a single lane-change is considered"going with the flow."

# The faster you drive through a red light, the smaller the chance you have of getting hit.

# Never get in the way of an older car that needs extensive bodywork. The other guy doesn't have anything to lose.

# Braking is to be done as hard and as late as possible to ensure that your ABS kicks in, giving a nice, relaxing foot massage as the brake pedal pulsates. For those of you without ABS, it's a chance to stretch your legs.

# Speed limits are arbitrary figures, given only as suggestions and are apparently not enforceable in the metro area during rush hour.

# Please remember that there is no such thing as a shortcut during rush-hour traffic in Sydney.

# Always slow down and rubber-neck when you see an accident or even someone changing a tire.

# Everybody thinks their vehicle is better than yours, especially 4WD drivers.

# Learn to swerve abruptly. Sydney is the home of High-Speed Slalom Driving thanks to the RTA, which puts potholes in key locations to test drivers' reflexes and keep them on their toes.

# It is traditional in Sydney to honk your horn at cars that don't move the instant the light changes.

# Seeking eye contact with another driver revokes your right of way.

# Never take a green light at face value. Always look right and left before proceeding.

# Remember that the goal of every Sydney driver is to get there first, by whatever means necessary.

# Real Sydney women drivers can put on pantyhose and apply eye makeup at 75 k/ph in bumper-to-bumper traffic.

# Real Sydney men drivers can remove pantyhose and a bra at 75k/ph in bumper-to-bumper traffic.

# Heavy fog and rain are no reasons to change any of the previously listed rules. These weather conditions are God's way ensuring a natural selection process for body shops, junkyards, and new vehicle sales.

# There is a common held belief in Sydney that highspeed tailgating in heavy traffic reduces petrol consumption as you get sucked along in the slipstream of the car in front.

# It's OK to cut off fully loaded semi-trailers, road trains and buses because they have brakes.

# It is an essential duty of the driver to preserve the life of their passengers. Hence no matter how much of an inconvenience it may be, always find a detour around Mt Druit, Redfern, Lakemba, Punchbowl, Cabramatta and Kings Cross.

# Always anticipate oncoming traffic while driving down a one way street.

# It's O.K when driving in Sydney's Western suburbs to air your grievances at bad drivers by giving the "one finger salute" while screaming out "asshole" . But it is imperative you are driving a turbo charged 5 litre V8 with a crow bar in your lap.

[CALAIS 6]

lmao the last one sounds alot like south australia