If anyone who has tried to organise a staff xmas party they will appreciate this



Subject: Christmas Party



FROM: Patricia Harris, Human Resources Director



TO: All Employees



DATE: 15th November

RE: Christmas Party



I'm happy to inform you that the company Christmas Party will take place

On December 23rd, starting at noon in the private function room at the

Grill House. There will be a cash bar and plenty of drinks!

We'll have a small band playing traditional carols...please feel free to

Sing along.



And don't be surprised if the Managing Director shows up dressed as

Santa Claus! A Christmas tree will be lit at 1.00 p.m.



Exchange of gifts among employees can be done at that time; however, no

Gift should be over $10.00 to make the giving of gifts easy for

everyone's pockets.



This gathering is only for employees! The Managing Director will make a

Special announcement at the Party.



Merry Christmas to you and your Family



Patricia

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~ ~~~

FROM: Patricia Harris , Human Resources Director



TO: All Employees



DATE: 5th December

RE: Holiday Party



In no way was yesterday's memo intended to exclude our Jewish employees.

We recognize that Chanukah is an important holiday, which often

Coincides with Christmas, though unfortunately not this year.

However, from now on we're calling it our 'Holiday Party.' The same

Policy applies to any other employees who are not Christians. There will

Be no Christmas tree or Christmas carols sung. We will have other types

Of music for your enjoyment.



Happy now?



Happy Holidays to you and your family,



Patricia.



~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~ ~~~

FROM; Patricia Harris, Human Resources Director



TO: All Employees



DATE : 6th December



RE: Holiday Party



Regarding the note I received from a member of Alcoholics Anonymous

Requesting a non-drinking table...you didn't sign your name. I'm happy

To accommodate this request, but if I put a sign on a table that

Reads, "AA Only," you wouldn't be anonymous anymore!!!! How am I

Supposed to handle this? Somebody?



Forget about the gift exchange, no gift exchange allowed now since the

Union Officials feel that $10.00 is too much money and Management

Believe $10.00 is a little cheap.



NO GIFT EXCHANGE WILL BE ALLOWED.

Patricia.



~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~ ~~~

FROM: Patricia Harris, Human Resources Director



TO: All Employees



DATE: 7th December



RE: Holiday Party



What a diverse group we are! I had no idea that December 20th begins the

Muslim holy month of Ramadan, which forbids eating and drinking during

Daylight hours. There goes the party! Seriously, we can appreciate how a

Luncheon at this time of year does not accommodate our Muslim employees'

Beliefs, perhaps the Grill House can hold off on serving your meal until

The end of the party - or else package everything up for you to take

Home in a little foil doggy bag. Will that work?



Meanwhile, I've arranged for members of Weight Watchers to sit farthest

From the dessert buffet and pregnant women will get the table closest to

The toilets, Gays are allowed to sit with each other,

Lesbians do not have to sit with gay men, each will have their own

Table.



Yes, there will be flower arrangements for the gay men's table, too.



To the person asking permission to cross dress - no cross dressing

Allowed. And No, no blow-up sheep.



We will have booster seats for short people. Low fat food will be

Available for those on a diet. We cannot control the salt used in the

Food. We suggest those people with high blood pressure taste the food

First. There will be fresh fruits as dessert for Diabetics, the

Restaurant cannot supply "No Sugar" desserts. Sorry!



Did I miss anything?!?!?!?!?!



Patricia.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~ ~~~

FROM: Patricia Harris, Human Resources Director

TO: All F***** G Employees



DATE: 8 December



RE: The ******** Holiday Party.



Vegetarian pricks I've had it with you people!!! We're going to keep

this party at the Grill House whether you like it or not, so you can sit

quietly at the table furthest from the "grill of death", as you so

quaintly put it.



You'll get your f****** salad bar, including organic tomatoes, but you

know tomatoes have feeling, too.



They scream when you slice them. I've heard them scream. I'm hearing

them scream right NOW!!



Hope you all have a rotten holiday * drink, drive, and die!



The Bitch from HELL!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

~~~ ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~



FROM: John Bishop - Acting Human Resources Director



DATE: 12th December



RE: Patricia Harris and Holiday Party



I'm sure I speak for all of us in wishing Patricia a speedy recovery and

I'll continue to forward your cards to her.



In the meantime, Management has decided to cancel our Holiday Party and

instead, give everyone the afternoon of the 23rd December off with full

pay.