Aging.....
Reporters interviewing a 104-year-old woman: "And what do you
think is the best thing about being 104?" the reporter asked. She
simply replied, "No peer pressure."
--- The nice thing about being senile is you can hide your own Easter
eggs.
--- Just before the funeral services, the undertaker came up to the
very elderly widow and asked, "How old was your husband?" "98," she
replied. "Two years older than me." "So you're 96," the undertaker
commented. She responded, "Hardly worth going home, is it?
--- I've sure gotten old.! I've had two bypass surgeries, a hip
replacement, new knees. Fought prostate cancer and diabetes. I'm half
blind, can't hear anything quieter than a jet engine, take 40
different medications that make me dizzy, winded, and subject to
blackouts. Have bouts with dementia. Have poor circulation; hardly
feel my hands and feet anymore. Can't remember if I'm 85 or 92. Have
lost all my friends. But,
thank God, I still have my driver's license.
--- A 97-year-old man goes into his doctor's office and says, "Doc, I
want my sex drive lowered." "Sir," replied the doctor, "you're 97
Don't you think your sex drive is all in your head?" "You're damned
right it is!" replied the old man. "That's why I want it lowered!"
--- An elderly woman decided to prepare her will and told her
preacher she had two final requests. First, she wanted to be
cremated, and second, she wanted her ashes scattered over K-Mart.
"K-Mart?" the preacher exclaimed. "Why K-Mart?" "Then I'll be
sure my daughters visit me twice a week."
---My memory's not as sharp as it used to be. Also, my memory's not
as sharp as it used to be.
---It's scary when you start making the same noises as your
coffeemaker.
---The good news is that even as we get older, guys still look at boobs. The bad news is they have to squat down first.
---These days about half the stuff in my shopping cart says, "For
fast relief."
---Don't think of it as getting hot flashes. Think of it as your
inner child playing with matches.
---Don't let aging get you down. It's too hard to get back up.!
--- Remember: You don't stop laughing because you grow old, You grow
old because you stop laughing.
- --THE SENILITY PRAYER : Grant me the senility to forget the people
I never liked anyway, the good fortune to run into the ones I do, and
the eyesight to tell the difference.
|
Linear Mode
