Headlines from the year 2030

[bazcom]

HEADLINES FROM THE YEAR 2030

*Ozone created by electric cars now killing millions in the seventh largest country in the world “Little India” formerly known as Australia.

*Tasmania executes last remaining Greenie.

*White minorities still trying to have English recognised as Australia’s third language.

*Children from two-parent heterosexual families bullied in schools for being ‘different’. Tolerance urged.

*Gay Marriages now overtake heterosexual marriages as preferred ‘lifestyle’ choice.

*Melbourne schoolgirl expelled for not wearing Burqa, being a Christian is no excuse says school. Sharia law must be enforced.

*Japan announces that they will no longer consume whale meat as whales are now extinct and the scientific research fleet are unemployed. Australian Government has told the Japanese that Cane Toads taste like whale meat.

*Australia now has ten Universities of Political Correctness. Professor Goldman of ANU says there is still a long way to go in the fight to stop people saying what they think.

*Australian Deficit $10 trillion dollars and rising. Government declares return to surplus in 100 years which is 300 years ahead of time. Prime Minister Mohammed Yousuf claims increased growth through more immigration is the secret to success.

*Wall Street banks merge to form new super bank, Goldman, Rothschild, Ebeneezer, Epstein & Drescher (GREED). Huge bonuses paid to executives to celebrate launch.

*Baby conceived naturally! Scientists amazed.Iran still quarantined.

* Physicists estimate it will take at least ten more years before radioactivity decreases to safe levels.

*France pleads for global help after being taken over by Islamic Countries. No other country volunteers to come forward to help the beleaguered nation ! Serves them right.

*Castro finally dies at age 112. Cuban cigars can now be imported legally, but President Chelsea Clinton has banned all smoking.

*Jose Manuel Rodrigez Bush says he will run for second term as US President in 2032.

*Australia Post raises price of stamps to $18 and reduces mail delivery to Wednesdays only.

*After a ten year $75.8 billion study, commissioned by the Labor Party, scientists prove diet and exercise is the key to weight loss.

*Average weight of an Australian drops to 115 kgs.

*Global cooling blamed for citrus crop failure for third consecutive year in Victoria India and New South Iraq.

*Japanese scientists have created a camera with such a fast shutter speed they can now photograph a woman with her mouth shut.

*Senate still blocking drilling inCanberra even though petrol is selling for 5,000 Rupees per litre and petrol stations are only open on Tuesdays and Fridays.

*Supreme Court rules punishment of criminals violates their civil rights. Victims to be held partly responsible for crime.

* Average height of professional basketball players is now nine feet, seven inches.

*New federal law requires that all nail clippers, screwdrivers, fly swatters and rolled-up newspapers must be registered by January 2035 as lethal weapons.

*Australian Tax Office sets lowest tax rate in decades at 75%.

*Carlton won this years National Footy final beating the Hindu Hornets 20-11 to 13-18.

*Southern Asia (formerly Northern Territory) voters still having trouble with voting machines . . . ..

[Zend3r]

How I picture OP: