Snappy Answers to Dumb Tourist Questions....

[rattattack1313]

>The questions below about Australia, are from potential
>visitors/tourists. They were posted on an Australian Tourism Website
>and the answers are the actual responses by the website officials, who
>obviously have a sense of humour.
>
>Q: Does it ever get windy in Australia? I have never seen it rain on
>TV, How do the plants grow? (UK).
>
>A: We import all plants fully grown and then just sit around watching
>them die.
>
>
>Q: Will I be able to see kangaroos in the street? (USA)
>
>A: Depends how much you've been drinking.
>
>
>Q: I want to walk from Perth to Sydney - can I follow the railroad
>tracks? (Sweden)
>
>A: Sure, it's only three thousand miles, take lots of water.
>
>
>Q: Is it safe to run around in the bushes in Australia? (Sweden)
>
>A: So it's true what they say about Swedes.
>
>
>Q: Are there any ATMs (cash machines) in Australia? Can you send me a
>list of them in Brisbane, Cairns, Townsville and Hervey Bay? (UK)
>
>A: What did your last slave die of?
>
>Q: Can you give me some information about hippo racing in Australia?
>(USA)
>
>A: A-fri-ca is the big triangle shaped continent south of Europe.
>Aus-tra-lia is that big island in the middle of the Pacific which does
>not... oh forget it. Sure, the hippo racing is every Tuesday night in
>Kings Cross. Come naked.
>
>
>Q: Which direction is North in Australia? (USA)
>
>A: Face south and then turn 180 degrees. Contact us when you get here
>and we'll send the rest of the directions.
>
>
>Q: Can I bring cutlery into Australia? (UK)
>
>A: Why? Just use your fingers like we do.
>
>
>Q: Can you send me the Vienna Boys' Choir schedule? (USA)
>
>A: Aus-tri-a is that quaint little country bordering Ger-man-y, which
>is...oh forget it. Sure, the Vienna Boys Choir plays every Tuesday
>night in Kings Cross, straight after the hippo races. Come naked.
>
>
>Q: Can I wear high heels in Australia? ( UK)
>
>A: You are a British politician, right?
>
>
>Q: Are there supermarkets in Sydney and is milk available all year
>round? (Germany)
>
>A: No, we are a peaceful civilization of vegan hunter/gatherers. Milk
>is illegal.
>
>
>Q: Please send a list of all doctors in Australia who can dispense
>rattlesnake serum. (USA)
>
>A: Rattlesnakes live in A-meri-ca which is where YOU come from. All
>Australian snakes are perfectly harmless, can be safely handled and
>make good pets.
>
>
>Q: I have a question about a famous animal in Australia, but I forget
>its name. It's a kind of bear and lives in trees. (USA)
>
>A: It's called a Drop Bear. They are so called because they drop out of

>Gum trees and eat the brains of anyone walking underneath them. You can

>scare them off by spraying yourself with human urine before you go out
>walking.
>
>
>Q: Do you have perfume in Australia? (France)
>
>A: No, WE don't stink.
>
>
>
>Q: I have developed a new product that is the fountain of youth. Can
>you tell me where I can sell it in Australia? (USA)
>
>A: Anywhere significant numbers of Americans gather.
>
>
>Q: Can you tell me the regions in Tasmania where the female population
>is smaller than the male population? (Italy)
>
>A: Yes, gay nightclubs.
>
>
>Q: Do you celebrate Christmas in Australia? (France)
>
>A: Only at Christmas.
>
>
>Q: I was in Australia in 1969 on R+R, and I want to contact the girl I
>dated while I was staying in Kings Cross. Can you help? (USA)
>
>A: Yes, and you will still have to pay her by the hour.
>
>Q: Will I be able to speak English most places I go? (USA)
>
>A: Yes, but you'll have to learn it first
>

[minux]

HAHHAHAHA some of them are just brilliant

[Patrio7]

will i be able to speak english should of been answered " no we speak only in our native tounge, aussie, you must learn and perfect pronouciation and context to avoid insulting our people

i do like the cutlery question though, very nice

[Ms Stato]

Good on ya... Woke my daughter up from me laughing.

HAhahahahaha... email ready to go!

[AussieHolden]

I got to know the website it came from.

HEHEHEHEHEHEHHE.

[camvyss]

They should have pointed them here or here for information on drop bears.