The Divorce
Dear Husband:
I'm writing you this letter to tell you that I'm leaving you for good.
I've been a good woman to you for seven years and I have nothing to show for
it. These last two weeks have been hell. Your boss called to tell me that
you had quit your job today and that was the last straw. Last week, you came
home and didn't notice that I had gotten my hair and nails done, cooked your
favorite meal and even wore a brand new negligee. You came home and ate in
two minutes, and went straight to sleep after watching the game. You don't
tell me you love me anymore, you don't touch me or anything. Either you're
cheating or you don't love me anymore, what ever the case is, I'm gone.
P.S. If you're trying to find me, don't. Your BROTHER and I are moving away
to West Virginia together! Have a great life!
Your EX-Wife
Dear Ex-Wife
Nothing has made my day more than receiving your letter. It's true that you
and I have been married for seven years, although a good woman is a far cry
from what you've been. I watch sports so much to try to drown out your
constant nagging. Too bad that doesn't work. I did notice when you cut off
all of your hair last week, the first thing that came to mind was "You look
just like a man!" My mother raised me to not say anything if you can't say
anything nice. When you cooked my favorite meal, you must have gotten me
confused with MY BROTHER, because I stopped eating pork seven years ago. I
went to sleep on you when you had on that new negligee because the price tag
was still on it. I prayed that it was a coincidence that my brother had just
borrowed fifty dollars from me that morning and your negligee was $49.99.
After all of this, I still loved you and felt that we could work it out. So
when I discovered that I had hit the lotto for ten million dollars, I quit
my job and bought us two tickets to Jamaica. But when I got home you were
gone. Everything happens for a reason I guess. I hope you have the filling
life you always wanted. My lawyer said with your letter that you wrote, you
won't get a dime from me. So take care.
P.S. I don't know if I ever told you this but Carl, my brother was born
Carla. I hope that's not a problem.
Signed Rich As Can Be and Free!
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