How do these people live????

[spice weasel (BAM)]

**ONE**

Recently, when I went to McDonald's I saw on the menu that you could

have an order of 6, 9 or 12 Chicken Mc Nuggets. I asked for a half

dozen nuggets. "We don't have half dozen nuggets," said the teenager at

the counter. "You don't?" I replied. "We only have six, nine, or

twelve," was the reply. "So I can't order a half dozen nuggets, but I

can order six?" "That's right." So I shook my head and ordered six Mc

Nuggets.



** TWO**

I was checking out at the local Wal-Mart with just a few items and the

lady behind me put her things on the belt close to mine. I picked up

one of those "dividers" that they keep by the cash register and placed

it between our things so they wouldn't get mixed. After the girl had

scanned all of my items, she picked up the "divider," looking it all

over for the bar code so she could scan it. Not finding the bar code

she said to me, "Do you know how much this is?" I said to her "I've

changed my mind, I don't think I'll buy that today." She said "OK," and

I paid her for the things and left. She had no clue to what had just

happened.



** THREE**

A lady at work was seen putting a credit card into her floppy drive and

pulling it out very quickly. When I inquired as to what she was doing,

she said she was shopping on the Internet and they kept asking for a

credit card number, so she was using the ATM "thingy."



** FOUR**

I recently saw a distraught young lady weeping beside her car. "Do you

need some help?" I asked. She replied, "I knew I should have replaced

the battery to this remote door un locker. Now I can't get into my car.

Do you think they (pointing to a distant convenience store) would have a

battery to fit this?" "Hmmm, I dunno. Do you have an alarm, too?" I

asked. "No, just this remote thingy," she answered, handing it and the

car keys to me. As I took the key and manually unlocked the door, I

replied, "Why don't you drive over there and check about the batteries.

It's a long walk."



** FIVE**

Several years ago, we had an Intern who was none too swift. One day she

was typing and turned to a secretary and said, "I'm almost out of typing

paper. What do I do?" "Just use copier machine paper," the secretary

told her. With that, the intern took her last remaining blank piece of

paper, put it on the photocopier and proceeded to make five "blank"

copies.



**SIX**

I was in a car dealership a while ago, when a large motor home was towed

into the garage. The front of the vehicle was in dire need of repair and

the whole thing generally looked like an extra in "Twister." I asked the

manager what had happened. He told me that the driver had set the

"cruise control" and then went in the back to make a sandwich.



** SEVEN**

My neighbor works in the operations department in the central office of

a large bank. Employees in the field call him when they have problems

with their computers. One night he got a call from a woman in one of the

branch banks who had this question: "I've got smoke coming from the back

of my terminal. Do you guys have a fire downtown?"



** EIGHT**

Police in Radnor, Pa., interrogated a suspect by placing a metal

colander on his head and connecting it with wires to a photocopy

machine. The message "He's lying" was placed in the copier, and police

pressed the copy button each time they thought the suspect wasn't

telling the truth. Believing the "lie detector" was working, the

suspect confessed.



** NINE**

A mother calls 911 very worried asking the dispatcher if she needs to

take her kid to the emergency room, the kid was eating ants. The

dispatcher tells her to give the kid some Benadryl and should be fine,

the mother says, I just gave him some ant killer..... Dispatcher: Rush

him in to emergency!





** "Life is tough, but It's tougher if you're stupid."**

[VS Omega]

Nice nice nice, especially 8 and 9

[Patrio7]

i like the blank copys and the locked door ones the most

and remember ladies, gents and higherups, the tree of life is self pruning.