Heres a few for ya me old mate

[simmo 76]

Ever hear about the Irishman, who wanted to be buried at sea?
Four of his mates drowned digging the hole.

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Two Irishman in a pub, alll of a sudden, a 6' 6" irish docker walks in and asks, the first ones name.
"Pat" replies the man at the bar.
The irish docker punches Pat in the face and says "It's patrick and don't forget it"
He turns to the other and says, "What's your name?"
The other Irishman says "Mickrick"
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WIDOW AND THE GAY

There was once a farmer who died of heart attack, leaving his wife a very big field to see to her livelihood. However the widow knew nuts about farming and decided to hire some helpers.

Once the news got out, a drunkard and a gay came to try the job out. So the widow thought, hiring a gay would be safer for her and he could be easily disposed off if he could not do the job well, and so the gay got the job.

As days passed, the gay stayed at the farm and worked everyday, surprisingly the gay knew a lot and could farm very well. Days passed into weeks, weeks into months, the widow could see the results of their hard work, so she decided to let the gay go to town for a day and let his hair down.

That night the widow did not go to sleep, she just sat by the fireplace and waited for the gay to come back. And when he finally did, the widow only waved him to her side,


Widow: "Come here."
The gay walked cautiously to the widow.

Widow: "Take off my blouse."
The gay looked on big-eyed, but he did what he was told.

Widow: "Take off my skirt "
The gay was frightened, but he did what he was told.

Widow: "Take off my bra "
The gay was terrified, but he did what he was told.

Widow: "Take off my underwear. "
The gay was now trembling.

Can you guess what happens next???
Make a guess before scrolling down....
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Widow: "Don't you ever dare wear my clothes again!!"

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Teacher : Where were you born?
Student : Australia, sir.
Teacher : Which part?
Student : All of me, sir.

(hidden part of the joke, students saying sir, it just doesn't happen, well, not in a public school lol)

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TOOTH EXTRACTION

Patient : "How much to have this tooth pulled?"
Dentist : "$90.00"
Patient : "$90.00 for just a few minutes work???"
Dentist : "I can extract it very slowly if you like..."

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[Johnsy]

Why dont black people like country music ???



Cause everytime someone says ho-down they think someone shot there sister

[Patrio7]

How many programers does it take to screw in a light bulb?

None, it's a hardware problem.


What do you get when you cross a ape with a blonde?

Who knows, there's only so much you can force an ape to do.


How do you keep an idiot in suspense?

I'll tell you tomorrow...