SMS jokes

[daveb8]

Dont think this has been done so if you've got any good ones put em up. i'll start things off


police have just found a badly burnt body with a small penis and no brain. message me back so i know your ok


ha ha anyone else got a good one?

[matty88]

wen i was a little girl i had this little thing and every night i went to bed i put my finger in now i am much older my fingers lost its charm now it takes a fist and half my f__king arm

dont hold me to that joke, just got it txted to me

[ProMaX]

Hey remember that time I stuck my ass out the window and u stuck ur head out as well and everyone thought we were twins?

[ElDubya]

"Hey I have just been arrested for being the ugliest c*%t on earth. Can you please come down the police station and show them they have the wrong person!"

[ClairBear]

Oh dear, I have lots in my phone, however all too dirty for here me thinks!

C.

[daveb8]

come on ... im sure we can handle them.


A woman was given two wishes. She asked for bigger tits and they grew to 38DD. She then asked for a tight c**t and got your number


oh and matty - love the avitar! thats great

[f1ferrari]

Here is one I got as well:

"Bite the neck gently, chew the breast softly, spread the legs slowly & such the juice excitingly. That is the way you should eat Tandori Chicken"

Hope you like my first post....

[f1ferrari]

Oh, and here is another one:

"Statistical analysis of the penis. Avg length 6 inches. Avg strokes 50. Avg f***s 3 a week, 52 weeks a year. Avg sex life 20 years. Sa a woman gets 47kms of Penis in a lifetime".

If this is to rude then sorry if I offened and can be removed by an admin/mod. No offence meant by it.

[Bantex]

I got one a while back.. so Lame

" Did you hear about the new Female War General? She got her Tampax mixed up with her Anthrax and blew up the wrong ****"

[05 VZ SS]

Heres one...It scares the sh!t outta people...

Listen dont ring me after I tell you this, its not something i want to talk about on the phone. we'll talk about it when i see you.I want to be the one 2 tell you. I don't want you to hear it from someone else I know your gonna be upset but i'm sure we can sort something out and work thru it.....There's no Santa!!!

[Morganv8]

Heres one...It scares the sh!t outta people...

Listen dont ring me after I tell you this, its not something i want to talk about on the phone. we'll talk about it when i see you.I want to be the one 2 tell you. I don't want you to hear it from someone else I know your gonna be upset but i'm sure we can sort something out and work thru it.....There's no Santa!!!

thats a awesome one... might have to used it on a few people

[matty88]

at the moment there's 12 million watching TV, 4 million ppl sleeping and only 1 di*khead reading this text message!

[ClairBear]

Just found one that's ok.

Hi, is something wrong with your phone? I been trying to call for hours and I keep getting a message saying 'the person you are calling is having sex, please try again.'

C.

[semmi]

A woman was given two wishes. She asked for bigger tits and they grew to 38DD. She then asked for a tight c**t and got your number

I gotta use that one on a mate of mine who never pays his way...

[matty88]

ok...i got one...a lady buys a magic miror and never uses it....one day she was playin around and she said...mirror mirror in from of me...make my bra size a double D and her tits grew bigger....she ran and told her husband and he came to the mirror and said: mirror mirror..hanging on the door..make my penis touch the floor...and his legs fell off

[610]

"Congratulations! U hav won a top prize with SWEETSHOP.COM. U have won the weight of your dick in sweets. 2 collect your Tic Tac register on line now"

Yeah a bit crude but I laughed.

[matty88]

Here's another one:

Ring up ur mate and ask, "Who's got a big d*ck (or b*obs) and hangs up phones?" When they say "Don't know", hang up on them!

[STEALTHY™]

Here's another one:

Ring up ur mate and ask, "Who's got a big d*ck (or b*obs) and hangs up phones?" When they say "Don't know", hang up on them!

lol, why'd you blank out the 'u' in duck?

[matty88]

its not a 'u' lol

[Shounak]

lol, why'd you blank out the 'u' in duck?

Hahahah, good stuff..

[90VN55]

recent studie's have revealed that homosexual's use there thumb's to scroll through their text message's. don't try 2 change your finger, it's 2 late u POOF

i hope this doesn't offend anyone.
sorry if it does

[wes_v8]

lol there are sum pretty good ones in here

[Patrio7]

there was one for the old green screen nokia's where it does the WTC thing and comes up "thankyou for choosign american air"

may they rest in peace. please let me know if anyone finds that a bit much.

[Lyoness]

I had so many in my old phone....

*sigh*

[redcedar]

More money is now spent on boob jobs & viagra than on alziemers research .

So by 2040 the elderly will have perky tits & stiff @!#*$ and no F$&#%!@ idea why !!!