Billy Connolly's 13 things I hate about people
1. People who point at their wrist while asking for the time....I know
where my watch is pal, where the F### is yours? Do I point at my crotch
when I ask where the toilet is?
2. People who are willing to get off their arse to search the entire
room for the TV remote because they refuse to walk to the TV and change
the channel manually.
3. When people say "Oh you just want to have your cake and eat it too".
f###íng right! What good is a cake if you can't eat it?
4. When people say "it's always the last place you look". Of course it
is. Why the F### would you keep looking after you've found it? Do people
do this? Who and where are they?
5. When people say while watching a film "did you see that?". No
tosser, I paid 10 quid to come to the cinema and stare at the f###íng
floor.
6. People who ask "Can I ask you a question?. Didn't really give me a
choice there, did you sunshine?
7. When something is 'new and improved!'. Which is it? If it's new,
then there has never been anything before it. If it's an improvement,
then there must have been something before it.
8. When people say "life is short". What the F###?? Life is the longest
damn thing anyone ever f###íng does!! What can you do that's longer?
9. When you are waiting for the bus and someone asks, "Has the bus come
yet?” If the bus came would I be standing here, knob head?
10. People who say things like 'My eyes aren't what they used to be'. So
what did they used to be? Ears, Wellington boots?
11. When you're eating something and someone asks 'Is that nice?' No
it's really revolting - I always eat stuff I hate.
12. People who announce they are going to the toilet. Thanks. That's an
image I really didn't need.
13. McDonalds staff who pretend they don't understand you if you don't
insert the 'Mc' before the item you are ordering..... It has to be a
McChicken Burger, just a Chicken Burger gets blank looks. Well I'll have
a McStraw and jam it in your McEyes you f###íng McTosser.
DeiCide
my friend sent me that this morning in an email and i still cack myself reading it again
Billy Connolly is a funny bastard!
Some people say less talk more action, i say more torque less traction.
yeah you can just imagin the acent as well when you read it i think thats what makes it even funnier
Thats exactly how i heard it in my head when i read it.... accent and allOriginally Posted by VS_chick
yeah you can just imagin the acent as well when you read it i think thats what makes it even funnier
Some people say less talk more action, i say more torque less traction.
only human......
yeah me too. i just finished reading his biography written by his wife. a real insight into possibly the most messed up human to nevver be imprisoned.....
Matteh!!!
best comedian EVER.
hows this, the australian tour he's doing at the moment sold out in no time at all.... for every single f#%ken venue.
best connoly moment... pissed as a fart directing traffic in the middle of kings cross - and refusing to move out of the way unless he was either arrested or Parkenson danced with him......they foxtrotted their way into the police station
ive got tickets to see billy connelly
★★★★★
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