Voice Mail At The Mental Hospital

[simmo 76]

VOICE MAIL AT THE MENTAL HOSPITAL

Hello,.....and welcome to the mental health hotline.

If you are obsessive-compulsive,press 1 repeatedly

If you are co-dependant,please ask someone to press 2 for you

If you have multiple personalities,press 3,4,5 and 6

If you are paranoid,we know who you are and what you want.Stay on the line so we can trace your call.

If you are delusional,press 7 and your call will be transferred to the Mother Ship.

If you are schizophrenic,listen carefully and a small voice will tell you which number to press.

If you are manic-depressive,it doesn't matter which number you press,no one will answer.

If you are dyslexic,press 96969696969696

If you have short term memory loss,press 9.If you have short term memory loss,press 9.If you have short term memory loss,press 9.If you have short term memory loss,press 9.

If you have low self esteem,please hang up.All operators are too busy to talk to you.

If you are blonde,don't press any buttons,you'll just screw it up.

[simmo 76]

A 90 year old man went to the Doctor for his annual checkup.
The Doctor asked how he was feeling.
The 90 year old says,
I've never felt better,"I have an 18 year old bride who is pregnant with my child,What do you think of that?"
The Doctor considers his question for a minute and then begins,
"I have a friend who is an avid hunter and never misses a season.One day he was going out in a bit of a hurry,he accidentally picked up his umbrella instead of his gun.
When he got to the Creek he saw a prime Beaver sitting beside the stream of water.He raised his umbrella and went "Bang Bang", and the beaver fell over dead."
"What do you think of that?"
The 90 year old said,
"I'd say someone else shot that beaver"
The Doctor replied..........."My point exactly"

[simmo 76]

What's the difference between a car tyre and 360+ used condoms?
One is a Good Year. The other is a VERY GOOD YEAR!!

[prizedbnx]

A 90 year old man went to the Doctor for his annual checkup.
The Doctor asked how he was feeling.
The 90 year old says,
I've never felt better,"I have an 18 year old bride who is pregnant with my child,What do you think of that?"
The Doctor considers his question for a minute and then begins,
"I have a friend who is an avid hunter and never misses a season.One day he was going out in a bit of a hurry,he accidentally picked up his umbrella instead of his gun.
When he got to the Creek he saw a prime Beaver sitting beside the stream of water.He raised his umbrella and went "Bang Bang", and the beaver fell over dead."
"What do you think of that?"
The 90 year old said,
"I'd say someone else shot that beaver"
The Doctor replied..........."My point exactly"

good stuff, one of greats haha