be strong honey

[bazcom]

A guy breaks into a house to look for money and guns and finds a young couple in
bed. He orders the guy out of bed and ties him to a chair, while tying the girl
to the bed he gets on top of her, kisses her neck, then gets up and goes into
the bathroom. While he's in there, the husband tells his wife: "Listen, this
guy's an escaped convict, look at his clothes! He probably spent lots of time
in jail and hasn't seen a woman in years. I saw how he kissed your neck. If he
wants sex, don't resist, don't complain, do whatever he tells you. Satisfy him
no matter how much he nauseates you. This guy is probably very dangerous. If he
gets angry, he'll kill us. Be strong, honey. I love you." To which his wife
responds: "He wasn't kissing my neck. He was whispering in my ear. He told me
he was gay, thought you were cute, and asked me if we had any Vaseline. I told
him it was in the bathroom. Be strong honey. I love you too!!"


--------------------------------------------------------------------------------

[Jecs]

A newlywed couple returned to their apartment after being on their honeymoon.

"Care to go upstairs and do it?" the husband asked.

"Shh!" said the bride "All the neighbors will know what we're about to do. These walls are paper thin. In the future, we'll have to ask each other in code. For example, how about asking, 'Have you left the washing machine door open' instead?"

So, the following night, the husband asks, "I don't suppose you left the washing machine door open, did you?"

"No, I definitely shut it," replied the wife who rolled over and fell asleep.

When she woke up however, she was feeling a little frisky herself and she nudged her husband and said, "I think I did leave the washing machine door open after all. Would you like to do some washing?"

"No, thanks," said the husband. "It was only a small load so I did it by hand."

[TheForgotten]

nasty

[Patrio7]

oldies but goodies for the both of them