something to offend everyone

[bazcom]

SOMETHING TO OFFEND EVERYONE
What is a Yankee?
The same as a quickie, but a guy can do it alone.
What is the difference between a Harley and a Vacuum Cleaner?
The vacuum has the dirt bag on the inside.
Why is divorce so expensive?
Because it's worth it.
What do you get when you put 50 lesbians and 50 politicians in a room together?
100 people who don't do dick.
What do you call a smart blonde?
A golden retriever.
What do attorneys use for birth control?
Their personalities.
What's the difference between a girlfriend and wife?
45 lbs.
What's the difference between a boyfriend and husband?
45 minutes.
What's the fastest way to a man's heart?
Through his chest with a sharp knife.
Why do men want to marry virgins?
They can't stand criticism.
Why is it so hard for women to find men that are sensitive, caring, and good-looking?
Because those men already have boyfriends.
What's the difference between a new husband and a new dog?
After a year, the dog is still excited to see you.
What makes men chase women they have no intention of marrying?
The same urge that makes dogs chase cars they have no intention of driving.
A brunette, a blonde, and a redhead are all in third grade.
Who has the biggest boobs?
The blonde, because she's 18.
What's the difference between a porcupine and BMW?
A porcupine has the pricks on the outside.
What did the blonde say when she found out she was pregnant?
"Are you sure it's mine?"
What's the difference between Beer Nuts and Deer Nuts?
Beer Nuts are $1, and Deer Nuts are always under a buck.
Why does Mike Tyson cry during sex?
Mace will do that to you
Why do men find it difficult to make eye contact?
Breasts don't have eyes.
Did you hear about the dyslexic Rabbi?
He walks around saying "Yo."
Why do drivers' education classes in Redneck schools use the car only
on Mondays, Wednesdays and Fridays?
Because on Tuesday and Thursday, the Sex Ed class uses it.
What's the Cuban National Anthem?
"Row, Row, Row Your Boat"
Where does an Irish family go on vacation?
A different bar
What would you call it when an Italian has one arm shorter than the other?
A speech impediment.
What does it mean when the flag at the Post Office is flying at half-mast?
They're hiring.
What's the difference between a southern zoo and a northern zoo?
A southern zoo has a description of the animal on the front of the cage along with... "a recipe."
How do you get a sweet little 80-year-old lady to say the F... word?
Get another sweet little 80-year-old lady to yell *BINGO*!
What's the difference between a northern fairy tale and a southern fairy tale?
A Northern fairy tale begins "Once upon a time..."
A southern fairy tale begins "Y'all ain't gonna believe this shit..."
Why is there no Disneyland in China?
No one's tall enough to go on the good rides

[Doctor Sodways]

LMAO, thats somne funny stuff, some old stuff in there too

[sixshooter]

very funny !

[nicholasjoe]

bloody great one

[Lumps of cheese]

Tee hee, funny!

[carzee]

This one---
Why do men want to marry virgins? Because they can't stand criticism.

----mainly explains droves of pervs and child molesters who also have issues.

[coolngroovy]

I love it. Good work M8.

[_Mukas_]

great stuff....
heres another

Why dont the afghans have driver ed and sex ed on the same day?
Too much work for the camels

[vn88calais]

Why is divorce so expensive?
Because it's worth it.

thats from the dukes of hazard movie hahaha

but those are funny man funn funny hahahaha

cheers, Todd

[Spike79]

SOMETHING TO OFFEND EVERYONE

What do attorneys use for birth control?
Their personalities.

Also applies for teachers.

[matty88]

how do you make a cat go woof?

with a match

NOTE: just recieved this in an email and it's too good to pass up, don't blame me for the joke