Aircraft repairs

[IanG]

Problem And Solution
All in A Day's Work


After every flight, Qantas pilots fill out a form,
called a "gripe sheet," which tells mechanics about
problems with the aircraft.
The mechanics correct the problems,
document their repairs on the form, and then pilots
review the gripe sheets before the next flight.

Never let it be said that ground crews lack a sense
of humour. Here are some actual maintenance
complaints submitted by Qantas' pilots and the
solutions recorded by maintenance engineers.

( By the way, Qantas is the only major airline that has never had an accident.)

(P = The problem logged by the pilot.)
(S = The solution and action taken by mechanics.)

P: Left inside main tyre almost needs replacement.
S: Almost replaced left inside main tyre.

P: Test flight OK, except auto-land very rough.
S: Auto-land not installed on this aircraft.

P: Something loose in ****pit.
S: Something tightened in ****pit.

P: Dead bugs on windshield.
S: Live bugs on back-order.

P: Autopilot in altitude-hold mode produces a 200 feet per minute descent.
S: Cannot reproduce problem on ground.

P: Evidence of leak on right main landing gear.
S: Evidence removed.

P: DME volume unbelievably loud.
S: DME volume set to more believable level.

P: Friction locks cause throttle levers to stick.
S: That's what they're for.

P: IFF inoperative.
S: IFF always inoperative in OFF mode.

P: Suspected crack in windshield.
S: Suspect you're right.

P: Number 3 engine missing.
S: Engine found on right wing after brief search.

P: Aircraft handles funny.
S: Aircraft warned to straighten up, fly right, and be serious.

P: Target radar hums.
S: Reprogrammed target radar with lyrics.

P: Mouse in ****pit.
S: Cat installed.

P: Noise coming from under instrument panel. Sounds like a midget pounding on something with a hammer.
S: Took hammer away from midget

[253@7k]

Im actually crying over this. that is bloody awsome.
"live bugs on back order" lol

[stocky]

that is great.

the autoland, evidence removal, and midget with the hammer were the best

[hakhawk]

lol, so old, yet always a laugh.

[HoZy]

midget with a hammer hahahaha

Cheers
MaT

[vn88calais]

midget with a hammer hahahaha

Cheers
MaT

hahahaah i also laught at that one hahaha, and i also liked

P: Mouse in ****pit.
S: Cat installed.

hahaha ima be laughing for days!!

[ProMaX]

hahahaha thats hilarious, they'd be mad fun to work with

[xlr8_87]

bahahahahaha thats some freakin quality quotes right there

[NORTI]

I was sent this not long after I first came on line many moons ago.... It was one of those that I forwarded like crazy....


I was wetting myself... The midget one, was one that was repeated so often, & yet still everyone pisses them selves....


ah thanks for the memories.... & the giggle & tears all over again...



D.

[Stupa]

bloody brilliant

[_Mukas_]

Its like Guiness in a bottle..."BRILLIANT!"

why would anyone give a midget a hammer in the first place...dont they know they're asking for trouble.

[Doctor Sodways]

Guiness in bottle isnt brilliant, i have to disagree, much the same as guiness in a can, it HAS to be from the tap.

But the, joke, gold

[TheForgotten]

yeah it's one of those funny emails from ages ago but I still laugh my ass off over it. better go catch it huh?

[_Mukas_]

Guiness in bottle isnt brilliant, i have to disagree, much the same as guiness in a can, it HAS to be from the tap.

But the, joke, gold

heres where it came from, i dont even drink the stuff

[Shifty1]

hahahahaha.. solid gold...

[ultimate_vn]

since when does qantas need a target radar

but still funny as hell