UFO

One night on a lonely country road a Flying Saucer landed at a petrol station. The two aliens inside seemed completely unconcerned about possible detection. In fact, the letters 'UFO' were boldly emblazoned on one side of their silvery craft. As the station owner stood gawking in amazement and nearly paralysed by the shock, his young blonde attendant nonchalantly filled up the tank and waved to the aliens as they took off.
"Do you realise what just happened?" the station owner finally uttered.
"Yeah," said the blonde attendant. "So?"
"Didn't you see space mutants in that vehicle?!"
"Yeah," repeated the blonde. "So?"
"And didn't you see those letters 'UFO' on the side of that vehicle?!"
"Yeah," repeated the blonde attendant. "So?"
"Are you tellin Me you don't know what 'UFO' means?!"
The blonde attendant rolled her eyes. "Good grief, boss! I've been working here for five years. Of course I know what 'UFO' means -
...it means 'Unleaded Fuel Only'"



High price to pay.

man who was having heart trouble went to the doctor to see what his options were. Naturally, the doctor recommended a heart transplant. The man reluctantly agreed, and asked if there were any hearts immediately available, considering that money was no object.
"I do have three hearts," said the doctor.
"The first is from an 18-year old kid, non-smoker, athletic, swimmer, with a great diet. He hit his head on the swimming pool and died. It's $100,000. The second is from a marathon runner, 25 years old, great condition, very strong. He got hit by a bus. It's $150,000. The third is from a heavy drinker, cigar smoker, steak lover. It's $500,000."
"Hey, why is that heart so expensive? He lived a terrible life!"
"Yes - but it's from a lawyer. It's never been used."