Three more

[Pretender]

Marriage

The last fight was my fault. My wife asked, "What's on the TV?" I said, "Dust!"
In the beginning, God created earth and rested. Then God created man and rested. Then God created woman. Since then, neither God nor man has rested.
My wife and I are inseparable. In fact, last week it took four state troopers and a dog.
Do you know the punishment for bigamy? Two mothers-in-law.
A man inserted an ad in the classified: "Wife wanted." Next day he received a hundred letters. They all said the same thing: "You can have mine."
The most effective way to remember your wife's birthday is to forget it once.
First guy (proudly): "My wife's an angel!" Second guy: "You're lucky, mine's still alive."
How do most men define marriage? An expensive way to get laundry done for free.
Just think, if it weren't for marriage, men would go through life thinking they had no faults at all.
If you want your wife to listen and pay undivided attention to every word you say, talk in your sleep.
Then there was a man who said, "I never knew what real happiness was until I got married; and then it was too late."
A little boy asked his father, "Daddy, how much does it cost to get married?" And the father replied, "I don't know son, I'm still paying."

Farmer Joe

Farmer Joe decided his injuries from the accident were serious enough to take the trucking company responsible for the accident to court. In court the trucking company's fancy lawyer was questioning farmer Joe.
"Didn't you say at the scene of the accident, 'I'm fine'?" Asked the lawyer.
Farmer Joe responded, "Well, I'll tell you what happened. I had just loaded my favorite mule Bessie into the..."
"I didn't ask for any details," The lawyer interrupted, "Just answer the
question. Did you not say at the scene of the accident, 'I'm fine!'?"
Farmer Joe said, "Well, I had just got Bessie into the trailer and I was
driving down the road..."
The lawyer interrupted again and said, "Judge, I am trying to establish
the fact that, at the scene of the accident, this man told the highway
patrolman on the scene that he was fine. Now several weeks after the
accident he is trying to sue my client. I believe he is a fraud. Please
tell him to simply answer the question."
By this time the judge was fairly interested in Farmer Joe's answer and
said to the lawyer, "I'd like to hear what he has to say."
Joe thanked the Judge and proceeded, "Well, as I was saying, I had just
loaded Bessie into the trailer and was driving her down the highway when this huge semi-truck and trailer ran the stop sign and smacked my truck right in the side. I was thrown into one ditch and Bessie was thrown into the other. I was hurting real bad and didn't want to move. However, I
could hear ol' Bessie moaning and groaning. I knew she was in terrible
shape just by her groans. Shortly after the accident a highway patrolman
came on the scene. He could hear Bessie moaning and groaning so he went over to her. After he looked at her, he took out his gun and shot her
between the eyes. Then the Patrolman came across the road with his gun in his hand and looked at me." He said, "Your mule was in such bad shape I had to shoot her. How are you feeling?"

Mob Trouble

The Godfather, accompanied by his attorney, walks into a room to meet with his accountant. The Godfather asks the accountant, "Where's the three million bucks you embezzled from me?" The accountant doesn't answer. The Godfather asks again, "Where's the three million bucks you embezzled from me?"
The attorney interrupts, "Sir, the man is a deaf-mute and cannot
understand you, but I can interpret for you."
The Godfather says, "Well, ask him where the @#!* money is." The attorney, using sign language, asks the accountant where the three million dollars is. The accountant signs back, "I don't know what you're talking about." The attorney interprets to the Godfather, "He doesn't know what you're talking about." The Godfather pulls out a pistol, puts it to the temple of the accountant, ****s the trigger and says, "Ask him again where the @#!* money is!"
The attorney signs to the accountant, "He wants to know where it is!" The
accountant signs back, "Okay! Okay! The money's hidden in a suitcase
behind the shed in my backyard!" The Godfather says, "Well, what did he
say?" The attorney interprets to the Godfather, "He says that you don't
have the guts to pull the trigger."

[90VN55]

He says that you don't
have the guts to pull the trigger

thats gold 3 million $ richer!!
just for interpreting

[vn88calais]

hahahaha first jokes and the godfather one were good, the farmer joe one was weird, good pick up mate

cheers, Todd