Two, yes another two.

[Pretender]

Poor Choice of words

A husband and wife are getting ready for bed. The wife is standing in front of a full-length mirror taking a hard look at herself.
"You know, dear," she says, "I look in the mirror, and I see an old woman. My face is all wrinkled, my bosom is barely above my waist, and my bottom is hanging out a mile. I've got fat legs, and my arms are all flabby." She turns to her husband and says, "Tell me something positive to make me feel better about myself."
He studies hard for a moment thinking about it and then says in a soft, thoughtful voice, "Well, there's nothing wrong with your eyesight."
Services for the husband will be held Saturday morning at 10:30 at St. Anselm's Memorial Chapel.


Shepherd and the Consultant

A shepherd was herding his flock in a remote pasture when suddenly a brand-new BMW advanced out of the dust cloud towards him. The driver, a young man in a Broni suit, Gucci shoes, Ray Ban sunglasses and YSL tie, leaned out the window and asked the shepherd, "If I tell you exactly how many sheep you have in your flock, will you give me one?"
The shepherd looked at the man, obviously a yuppie, then looked at his peacefully-grazing flock and calmly answered, "Sure." The yuppie parked his car, whipped out his notebook and connected it to a cell phone, then he surfed to a NASA page on the Internet where he called up a surveillance satellite system, scanned the area, and then opened up a database and an Excel spreadsheet with complex formulas. He sent an email on his Blackberry and, after a few minutes, received a response.
Finally, he prints out a 150 page report on his hi-tech, miniaturized printer then turns to the shepherd and says, "You have exactly 1586 sheep." "That is correct; take one of the sheep." said the shepherd. He watches the young man select one of the animals and bundle it into his car.
Then the shepherd says: " If I can tell you exactly what your business is, will you give me back my sheep?" "OK, why not." answered the young man.
"Clearly, you are a consultant." said the shepherd. "That's correct," says the yuppie, "but how did you guess that?"
"No guessing required." answers the shepherd. "You turned up here although nobody called you. You want to get paid for an answer I already knew, to a question I never asked, and you don't know anything about my business. Now give me back my dog."

[Outlaw Torn]

lol. both are good. the second 2nd i originally heard as a blonde joke. both are priceless

[Jecs]

Take The Test

http://www.sailinganarchy.com/genera.../cool_test.htm

[_Mukas_]

Take The Test

http://www.sailinganarchy.com/genera.../cool_test.htm

that thing is ###n awesome!!!!

[Patrio7]

Lmao at the test.

The second joke is a bit of an oldy but it is still a good one.

[TheForgotten]

all very funny....got sucked into hte test lol

[vn88calais]

hahahaha both are good, the first one is heaps better tho!!

cheers, Todd

[sixshooter]

hahahaha great jokes!