More than two, less than four

[Pretender]

The Birthday Surprise

A couple had been debating buying a vehicle for weeks.

He wanted a truck. She wanted a fast little sports-like car so she could zip through traffic around town.
He would probably have settled on any beat up old truck, but everything she seemed to like was way out of their price range.
"Look!" she said. "I want something that goes from 0 to 100 in just a few seconds. Nothing else will do. My birthday is coming up so surprise me!"
He did just that.
For her birthday, he bought her a brand new bathroom scale.
Nobody has seen or heard from him since.

One Liners (some may have been posted before)

Eagles may soar, but weasels don't get sucked into jet engines

I'm not cheap, but I am on special this week

I almost had a psychic girlfriend but she left me before we met

I intend to live forever - so far, so good

Mental backup in progress - Do Not Disturb!

Mind Like A Steel Trap - Rusty And Illegal

Quantum Mechanics: The dreams stuff is made of

Support bacteria - they're the only culture some people have

The only substitute for good manners is fast reflexes.

When everything's coming your way, you're in the wrong lane.

Ambition is a poor excuse for not having enough sense to be lazy.

If I worked as much as others, I would do as little as they.

If everything seems to be going well, you have obviously overlooked something.

Many people quit looking for work when they find a job.

Dancing is a perpendicular expression of a horizontal desire.

Who is General Failure and why is he reading my hard disk?

Shin: a device for finding furniture in the dark.

Why do psychics have to ask you for your name?

Wear short sleeves! Support your right to bare arms!

Corduroy pillows: They're making headlines!

Black holes are where God divided by zero.

All those who believe in psychokinesis raise my hand.

I tried sniffing Coke once, but the ice cubes got stuck in my nose.

The Haircut

A man and a little boy entered a barbershop together. After the man received the full treatment - shave, manicure, haircut, etc. he placed the boy in the chair.
"I'm goin' to buy a tie to wear to the party," he said. "I'll be backin a few minutes."
When the boy's haircut was done and the man still hadn't returned, the barber said, "It looks like your daddy forgot all about you."
"That wasn't my daddy," said the boy. "I met him outside,and he said, 'Come in with me son, we're gonna get a free haircut!'"

[_Mukas_]

that first one is gold!!! lol

[69sum_chicky69]

lol i love the 1st one

[dsnutz]

lmao very good first one was gold

[vn88calais]

as usual Pretender ur work is awesome!!

cheers, Todd