Priest
>After mass he asked the monsignor how he had done.
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>The monsignor replied, "When I am worried about getting nervous On the pulpit, I put a glass of vodka next to the water glass. If I start to get nervous, I take a sip."
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>So next Sunday he took the monsignor's advice.
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>At the beginning of the sermon, he got nervous and took a drink.
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>He proceeded to talk up a storm.
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>Upon his return to his office after the mass, he found the following note on the door:
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>1) Sip the vodka, don't gulp.
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>2) There are 10 commandments, not 12.
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>3) There are 12 disciples, not 10.
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>4) Jesus was consecrated, not constipated.
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>5) Jacob wagered his donkey, he did not bet his ass.
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>6) We do not refer to Jesus Christ as the late J.C.
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>7) The Father, Son, and Holy Ghost are not referred to as Daddy, Junior and the spook.
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>8) David slew Goliath, he did not kick the sh*t out of him.
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>9) When David was hit by a rock and was knocked off his donkey, don't say he was stoned off his ass.
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>10)We do not refer to the cross as the "Big T."
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>11)When Jesus broke the bread at the last supper he said, "take this and eat it for it is my body." He did not say " Eat me" .
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>12)The Virgin Mary is not called " Mary with the Cherry,.
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>13)The recommended grace before a meal is not: Rub-A-Dub-Dub thanks for the grub, Yeah God.
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>14)Next Sunday there will be a taffy pulling contest at ST.Peter's not a peter pulling contest at St. Taffy's.
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