ford jokes

fire balls023 · #1 16-08-2004, 07:31 PM

I thaught it was about time to make a ford joke thread.

i saved some from the old site

The Ford AU ute has cup and thermos holders built into the tailgate. So when you push the ute you can have a drink at the same time.

Friends don't let friends drive Fords.

If all the vehicles in New Zealand were 'Built Ford Tough', the shoulders of New Zealand's highways would be a much more crowded place.

Have you driven over a Ford lately?

Have you out driven a Ford lately?

This is Holden country and on quiet nights you can hear Fords rusting.

I could never keep a Ford under me; I was always under the Ford.

I'd rather push a Holden than drive a Ford.

Ford Escort me to a Holden dealer.

Buy a Ford and you buy the 'best'. Drive a mile and walk the rest.

Sometimes the best jokes are true. On May 12, Ford announced a recall on its Expeditions and F-series trucks. Faulty lug nuts could cause the tyres to FALL OFF. It just keeps getting better.

SPEED KILLS
Drive a Ford and live forever.

A man pulled up next to a little girl walking home from school and said "If you get in, I'll give you a lollypop." The girl kept walking. Following along slowly, the man said "Come on and get in the car with me and I'll give you two lolly pops." She kept her eyes on the sidewalk and continued on her way. The man said "Get in with me and I'll give you this whole bag of lollypops!" Finally, the girl turned and said "Look daddy, YOU bought the Ford, YOU ride in it!!"

If you're baffled why Ford is actually competing in ATCC, don't be. They have teams of mechanics working around the clock for a week, just so they can run a race.

Ashes to ashes,
Dust to dust,
If it wasn't for Ford
our tools would be rust.

Next time some Ford fanatic claims Ford means "First on race day" remind them that anything could be fast if a team of mechanics worked on it all week so it would last long enough to run a race before needing another weeks work.

Have you ever seen a ford pick-up, they must of been out there for hours. Pickering.

Driving a ford is like the Special Olympics....even if you win YOU’RE still a retard

The people who say they would rather push a Ford than drive a Holden usually do.

That's not a LEAK; my Ford's just marking its territory!

Ford...At least they circled the problem.

Did you know that Ford has a new magnetized bumper?
They needed something to pick up the parts that fell off along the way.

God make ****, Ford gave it wheels

Did you know that 98% of all Fords ever built are still on the road?
The other 2% made it home!!

Sex is good, Sex is golden, Sex is done in the back of a Holden, if you dont like it or if you get bored, be a fagg and **** in a ford.

FPV stands for ****en Perverse Vehicles

Q: How do you double the value of a Ford?
A: Put gas in it.

Q: How is a golf ball different from a Ford?
A: You can drive GOLF ball 200 yards.

Q: Why are there footpaths beside streets?
A: So Ford owners have a safe place to walk home.

Q: Why is New Zealand so far in debt?
A: Jenny Shipley gets chauffeured in a Ford.

Q: How much wood could a Ford Ute haul if a Ford Ute could haul wood?
A: As much as the Holden Ute towing it.

Q: Why are the new Ford Falcons more aerodynamic?
A: So they will save the Holden petrol when the Holden tows them away.

Q: How come Ford makes tractors and Holden doesn't?
A: Holden can't get one to run that slow!

Q: What does the GT stand for on a Ford?
A: Glued together!

Q: Why did Ford start putting magnetic bumpers on the back of Ford pick-ups? -
A: So it would catch all the parts that fell off the guys Ford pick-up.

Q: How long does it take for a ford falcon to drive from Sydney to Melbourne?

A: Depends on how fast the car carrier takes to get there!

Q: What kind of car did Fred Flintstone drive?
A: A ford of COURSE and it ain't much different now!

Q: How long can a ford go for with out repairs?
A: Depends if you can leave the ford dealer.

Julie · #2 18-08-2004, 10:27 AM

now what would a ford jokes thread be like without this bloke

Jaime · #3 21-08-2004, 11:44 PM

Hey, leave Lowndesy alone. He's had nothing but trouble since leaving Holden. I almost feel sorry for him, the reason why I don't feel sorry for him is because he still hasn't figured out that it's not the car, it's the make.

Darren · #4 23-08-2004, 08:33 AM

It's his own fault really, if he weren't so money hungry he wouldn't have jumped shipped.

CoolAzza · #5 23-08-2004, 09:10 AM

you cant blame the poor guy for wanting abit more of da cheese, but yeah, it just proves that money can make people do some strange things some times

Hell we would all be laughing all over the moon and back if we all got paid a small fortune for doing something we love,

Take it easy,

Az

goVZ · #6 30-08-2004, 09:01 PM

If one or more of these is true, unfortunately, you are driving a Ford...

You look in your rear-view mirror to see two people with their hands on your tailgate.
You constantly receive sympathy cards from the Department of Transportation.
When you are walking across the parking lot, you see a priest performing last rights on your car.
While stopped at traffic lights, other motorists offer to help push to get you started again.
You have preferred customer status at Repco auto parts.
You have to stop along side the road at least once a day to pick up parts that have fallen off.
You leave your keys in the ignition and a $20 bill on the dash for gas money in hopes that someone will steal your car.
When you drive though town, people stop what they are doing and just start laughing.
People try to hire you to bring your truck to their house to fog for mosquitos.
In place of a spare tire, you find a pair of running shoes

The Edge · #7 06-09-2004, 07:08 PM

Hi guys i am new to the forums i just wanted to add to the ford jokes with one i heard last night!! what does ford mean spelt backwards? Driver Returns On Foot!!!!

goVZ · #8 06-09-2004, 07:36 PM

Lmao, so true. Some more:

Ford acronyms:

F O R D
Found On Rubbish Dumps
Fix Or Repair Daily
Fails On Rainy Days
Fails On Race Day
Found On Roadside Dead
Factory Ordered Road Disaster
Factory Ordered Rebuilt Datsun
Flip Over Read Directions
Four Old Rusted Doors
Ford Owner Really Dumb

(French) - Fabrication Ordinare Reparation Dispendieuse
Ford Owners Recommend Datsun (Dodge)
Flipped Over Russian Dunebuggy
For Off Road Death
Fords Only Run Downhill
Fat Old Rusted Dog
Freaking Old Rusted Dodge (Datsun)
Forget Out Running Datsuns

Or in reverse...

D R O F
Drivers Return On Foot
Don't Ride Over Fifty
Danged Roaches Outrun Ford
Datsun Rules Over Ford

Pinto acronyms...

P I N T O
Paid Inspector Nicely To Overlook
Put In New Transmission Often
Put In Nickel To Operate

jetspin_vn · #9 06-09-2004, 07:57 PM

Hehe, on that Pinto note my dad has an '89 Pontiac Tranzam. We love it to bits, but a mate of his from the states did lend me this good one which dispite being slanderous towards the car (or my dad) I still think its quite funny.

PONTIAC = Poor Old Nigger Thinks Its A Catillac

Big_Red · #10 29-10-2004, 10:04 AM

its lowndes fault that hes crap i mean look at the car he drives the traitor. every time he smashes i laugh my ass of therfore every race is a comedy

Bax · #11 29-10-2004, 11:51 AM

Poor lowndes, oh well, back when him and skaife were good, those were the days.. Now they are hardly worth a mention, and personally I think the only reason skaife gets mentioned these days is because of HRT.

If he didn't own it (still??) then nobody would give a rats about the bloke consistantly being inconsistent.

jetspin_vn · #12 29-10-2004, 01:43 PM

I feel sorry for the man, he is misguided - he has lost his way.

If we are gonna tear strips off anyone, then please, lets make it Russell Ingall.

Or after last weekend, it could even be Marcus Ambrose - I lost ALOT of respect for him

Bax · #13 29-10-2004, 05:22 PM

I think its that young kelly lad that I don't like..

Gobbles · #14 29-10-2004, 07:14 PM

ok ok this is how its going to go for 2005

Round 1 winner...Mark Skaife........Ambrose into the wall on turn 1....punted by murphy who was deep under brakes into the corner

Ingall spins out rolls it into sand trap.

As for kelly....well i dont really like him but i like Kmart....hopefully tander will be back with the front runners now he is with kmart would like to see him up there over kelly....

And as for your comment about skaifey bextor84.....are you serious.........? a back to back championship winner (4 in total) and 4 time bathurst winner and people will just forget about him...ha suuuure