The Purina Diet...and more...

[Stevob]

Sometimes, a stupid question deserves an appropriate answer ...


I was in Coles buying a large bag of Purina for my Labrador Retriever and was in line to check out.

A woman behind me asked if I had a dog. On impulse, I told her that no, I was starting The Purina Diet again, although I probably shouldn't. I told her that the last time I was on it I'd lost over 20kg, before I wound up in hospital, due to side effects.

I told her that it was essentially a perfect diet and that the way that it works is to load your pants pockets with Purina nuggets and simply eat one or two every time you feel hungry. The food is nutritionally complete, so it was worth trying again.

I have to mention here that practically everyone in the line was by now enthralled with my story, particularly a tall guy behind her.

Horrified, she asked if I'd been poisoned and was that why I was in the hospital.

I said no... I'd been sitting in the street licking my balls and a car hit me.

I thought the tall guy was going to have to be carried out the door.

[Stevob]

A big Texan cowboy stopped at a local restaurant following a day of drinking and roaming around in Mexico. While sipping his tequila, he noticed a sizzling, scrumptious looking platter being served at the next table. Not only did it look good, the smell was wonderful. He asked the waiter, "What is that you just served?"

The waiter replied, "Ah senor, you have excellent taste! Those are bull's testicle s from the bull fight this morning. A delicacy!" The cowboy, though momentarily daunted, said, "What the heck, I'm on vacation down here! Bring me an order!" The waiter replied, "I am so sorry senor. There is only one serving per day because there is only one bull fight each morning If you come early tomorrow and place your order, we will be sure to save you this delicacy"!

The next morning, the cowboy returned, placed his order, and then that evening he was served the one and only special delicacy of the day. After a few bites, and inspecting the contents of his platter, he called to the waiter and said, "These are delicious, but they are much, much smaller than the ones I saw you serve yesterday!"

The waiter shrugged his shoulders and replied, "Si, Senor. Sometimes the bull wins."

[Stevob]

Musical Cats

[Stevob]

A love story

A man and a woman who had never met before, but were both married
to other people, found themselves assigned to the same sleeping room
on a transcontinental train.

Though initially embarrassed and uneasy over sharing a room, they
were both very tired and fell asleep quickly...he in the upper bunk
and she in the lower.

At 1:00 AM, the man leaned over and gently woke the woman saying,
Ma'am, I'm sorry to bother you, but would you be willing to reach
into the closet to get me a second blanket? I'm awfully cold."

"I have a better idea," she replied. "Just for tonight, let's
pretend that we're married."

Wow! That's a great idea!" he exclaimed.

”Good," she replied. "Get your own f@rking blanket."

After a moment of silence, he farted.