2

[Pretender]

The Leprechaun

One morning a woman was walking out of her front door, when she notices a strange little man at the bottom of her garden.
"You're a Leprechaun," she says, "I caught you and you owe me three wishes!". So the Leprechaun replies "OK, you caught me fair and square, what's your first wish?". The woman stops and thinks for a second, "I want a huge mansion to live in.", goblins replies "OK, you've got it.". Woman again thinks it over, "My second wish is a Mercedes." "OK, you've got that too." "My last wish is a million dollars!". The Leprechaun then says "OK, you've got it. But to make your wishes come true you have to have sex all night with me." "OK then, if that's what it takes..."
Next morning the little man wakes the woman up.
"Tell me," says the man, "how old are you?" "I'm 27", she replies
"Fu<k me", says the man, "27 and you still believe in Leprechauns"


Beer

A man walks into a bar and asks the bartender for a case of beer, any kind except Emu Export. The bartender says, "What's wrong with Emu Export, don't you like it? The man says, "I hate that shit". Last night I drank a whole carton of it and blew chunks. The bartender says, "You drink a carton of any beer you're going to blow chunks". You don't understand said the man, Chunks is my dog.

[Nobody Actually]

ha ha, nice

[TheForgotten]

Hey bruce, good to see you back here. hope things are starting to work out for you.

both are funny btw, but blowing dogs is a bit much...

[Ripcell]

slightly off topic, but slapnuts ur avatar is mint