Dog Food Diet
I was buying a large bag of dog food at and was in line to checkout when a woman behind asked if I had a dog. On impulse and thinking it was a stupid question, I told her no and that I was starting the Dog Food Diet again.
I added that I probably shouldn't because I had ended up in hospital last time, but because I'd lost 50 pounds before I awoke in an intensive care ward, with tubes coming out of most of my orifices and IVs in both arms, I was willing to try it again.
I told her that it was essentially a perfect diet and that the way that it works is to load your trouser pockets with dog food biscuits and simply eat one or two every time you feel hungry and that the food is nutritionally complete, so I was going to try it again.
I have to mention here that practically everyone in the queue was by now enthralled with my story.
Horrified, she asked if I ended up in intensive care because the dog food poisoned me. I told her no. I'd been lying in the street licking my balls and a car hit me.
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