The Modern Noah.
In the year 2005 the Lord came to Noah, who was now living in Australia, and said, "Once again, the earth has become wicked and over-populated, and I see the end of all flesh before me. You need to build another Ark and save 2 of every living thing along with a few good humans. You have 6 months to build the Ark before I start the unending rain for 40 days and 40 nights".
Six months later, the Lord looked down and saw Noah weeping in his Yard - but no Ark.
"Noah!" He roared, "I'm about to start the rain! Where is the Ark? "Forgive me, Lord," begged Noah, "but things have changed. I needed a building permit. I’m still waiting for Council approval. I've been arguing with the inspector about the need for a sprinkler system. Also the Council claims that I've violated the neighbourhood zoning laws by building the Ark in my yard and exceeding the height limitations. We had to go to the Development Appeal Board for a decision.
Then the Department of Transport demanded a bond be posted for the future costs of moving power lines and other overhead obstructions, to clear the passage for the Ark's move to the sea. I told them that the sea would be coming to us, but they wouldn't listen.
Then the local Council ruled that I couldn't build the Ark until they'd conducted an environmental impact study on your proposed flood.
Then I had problems getting the wood. There's a ban on cutting local trees in order to save an endangered species, the Koalas. I tried to convince the environmentalists that I needed the wood to save the Koalas - but no go!
When I started gathering the animals, an animal rights group R.S.P.C.A. sued me for confining wild animals against their will. They said it was cruel and inhumane to put so many animals in a confined space.
I'm still trying to resolve a complaint with the Human Rights Commission on how many indigenous people I'm supposed to hire for my building crew.
The Immigration department is checking the status of most of the people who want to work and I've even had a letter from Amanda Vanstone asking about my ethnic background!
The trades unions say I can't use my sons. They insist I have to hire only Union workers with Ark-building experience.
To make matters worse, the Taxation department has seized all my assets, claiming I'm trying to leave the country illegally with endangered species.
So, forgive me, Lord, but it would take at least 10 years for me to finish this Ark.
Suddenly the skies cleared, the sun began to shine, and a rainbow stretched across the sky. Noah looked up in wonder and asked, "You mean you're not going to destroy the world?" "No," said the Lord. "The Government beat me to it."
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