Tell Me This Won't Happen To Us !!!
An elderly lady called the emergency number on her mobile phone
to
report that her car had been broken into.
She was hysterical as she explained her situation to the
despatcher:
They've stolen the stereo, the steering wheel, the brake pedaand
even the
accelerator!" she cried. The despatcher said, "Stay calm. An
officer
is on
> >>> the way." A few minutes later, the officer radioed in.
> >> "Disregard,"
> >>>he says.
> >>> "she got in the back seat by mistake."
> >>> _______________
> >>>
> >>> FAMILY
> >>> Three sisters ages 92, 94 and 96 live in a house together.
> >>> One night the 96 year old draws a bath. She puts her foot in and
> >>> pauses. She yells to the other sisters, "Was I getting in or out
> >> of
> >>>the
> >>> bath?"
> >>> The 94-year old yells back, "I don't know. I'll come up and
> >> see."
> >>> She starts up the stairs and pauses, "Was I going up the stairs
> >>> or down?"
> >>> The 92 year old is sitting at the kitchen table having tea
> >> listening
> >>>to
> >>> her sisters. She shakes her head and says, "I sure hope I never
> >> get
> >>>that
> >>> forgetful, knock on wood. " She then yells, "I'll come up and
> >> help
> >>>both of
> >>> you as soon as I see who's at the door"
> >>> ______________________________________
> >>>
> >>> "I CAN HEAR JUST FINE!"
> >>>
> >>> Three retirees, each with a hearing loss, were playing golf one
> >> fine
> >>>March
> >>> day. One remarked to the other, "Windy, isn't it?"
> >>> "No," the second man replied, "it's Thursday."
> >>> And the third man chimed in, "So am I. Let's have a beer."
> >>> _______________________________________
> >>>
> >>> SUPERSEX
> >>>
> >>> A little old lady was running up and down the halls in a nursing
> >>
> >>>home.
> >>> As she walked, she would flip up the hem of her nightgown and
> >> say
> >>> "Supersex.." She walked up to an elderly man in a wheelchair.
> >>>Flipping her
> >>> gown at him, she said, "Supersex." He sat silently for a moment
> >> or
> >>>two and
> >>> finally answered, "I'll take the soup."
> >>> ________________________________
> >>>
> >>> ROMANCE
> >>>
> >>> An older couple were lying in bed one night.
> >>> The husband was falling asleep but the wife was in a romantic
> >>> mood and wanted to talk.
> >>> She said: "You used to hold my hand when we were courting".
> >>> Wearily he reached across, held her hand for a second and tried
> >>> to get back to sleep.
> >>> A few moments later she said: "Then you used to kiss me.
> >>> Mildly irritated, he reached across, gave her a peck on the
> >> cheek
> >>> and settled down to sleep.
> >>> Thirty seconds later she said: "Then you used to bite my neck."
> >>> Angrily, he threw back the bedclothes and got out of bed.
> >>> "Where are you going?" she asked."To get my teeth!"
> >>> _______________________________________
> >>>
> >>> DOWN AT THE RETIREMENT CENTER
> >>> 80-year old Bessie bursts into the rec room at the retirement
> >>> home. She holds her clenched fist in the air and announces,
> >>> "Anyone who can guess what's in my hand can have sex with me
> >>> tonight!!" An elderly gentleman in the rear shouts out, "An
> >>>elephant?"
> >>> Bessie thinks a minute and says, "Close enough."
> >>> _______________________________________
> >>>
> >>> OLD FRIENDS
> >>>
> >>> Two elderly ladies had been friends for many decades
> >>> Over the years, they had shared all kinds of activities and
> >>> adventures. Lately, their activities had been limited to meeting
> >>> a few times a week to play cards.
> >>> One day, they were playing cards when one looked at the other
> >> and
> >>> said,"Now don't get mad at me. I know we've been friends for a
> >> long
> >>> time but I just can't think of your name! I've thought and
> >> thought,
> >>>but I
> >>> can't remember it. Please tell me what your name is."
> >>> Her friend glared at her. For at least three minutes she just
> >> stared
> >>> and glared at her. Finally she said, "How soon do you need to
> >> know?"
> >>> _______________________________________
> >>>
> >>> SENIOR DRIVING
> >>>
> >>> As a senior citizen was driving down the freeway, his car phone
> >>> rang. Answering, he heard his wife's voice urgently warning him,
> >>> "Herman, I just heard on the news that there's a car going the
> >>> wrong way on the freeway. Please be careful!"
> >>> "Hell," said Herman, "It's not just one car. It's hundreds of
> >> them!"
> >>> _______________________________________
> >>>
> >>> DRIVING
> >>>
> >>> Two elderly women were out driving in a large car -- both could
> >>> barely see over the dashboard.
> >>> As they were cruising along, they came to an intersection.
> >>> The stoplight was red, but they just went on through.
> >>> The woman in the passenger seat thought to herself "I must be
> >>> losing it. I could have sworn we just went through a red light."
> >>> After a few more minutes, they came to another intersection and
> >>> the light was red again. Again, they went right through.
> >>> The woman in the passenger seat was almost sure that the light
> >>> had been red but was really concerned that she was losing it.
> >> She
> >>> was getting nervous.
> >>> At the next intersection, sure enough,the light was red and they
> >>> went on through. So, she turned to the otherwoman and said,
> >>> "Mildred, did you know that we just ran through three red lights
> >>> in a row?
> >>> You could have killed us both!"
> >>> Mildred turned to her and said, "Oh! Am I driving?"
> >>>
> >>> TELL ME THIS WON'T HAPPEN TO US !!!
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