try this for a kiwi joke

[shumway]

(1)Once upon a time in the Kingdom of Heaven, God went missing for six days. Eventually, Michael the archangel found him, resting on the seventh day.

He inquired of God, "Where have you been?"

God sighed a deep sigh of satisfaction and proudly pointed downwards through the clouds, "Look Michael, look what I've made."

Archangel Michael looked puzzled and said, "What is it?"

"It's a planet," replied God, "And I've put LIFE on it. I'm going to call it Earth and it's going to be a great place of balance."

"Balance?" inquired Michael, still confused. God explained, pointing to different parts of Earth.
"For example, Northern Europe will be a place of great opportunity and wealth while Southern Europe is going to be poor; the Middle East over there will be a hot spot.
Over there I've placed a continent of white people and over there is a continent of black people."

God continued, pointing to different countries. "And over there, I call this place America.
North America will be rich and powerful and cold, while South America will be poor, and hot and friendly. And the little spot in the middle is Central America, which is a hot spot. Can you see the balance?"

"Yes," said the Archangel, impressed by Gods work, then he pointed to a large landmass and asked, "What's that one?"

"Ah," said God. "That's Australia, the most glorious place on Earth. There are beautiful mountains, rainforests, rivers, streams and an exquisite coastline. The people are good-looking, intelligent and humorous and they're going to be found travelling the world.
They'll be extremely sociable, hard working and high achieving, and they will be known throughout the world as diplomats and carriers of peace.

I'm also going to give them super-human, undefeatable cricket, rugby and hockey players who will be admired and feared by all who come across them."

Michael gasped in wonder and admiration but then exclaimed - "But you said there would be BALANCE!"

God replied wisely, "Wait until you see the ugly, whingeing, sheep-rooting, Kiwi bastards I'm putting next to them."

(2)A Kiwi farmer is at his wits end, for some reason his sheep aren't getting pregnant, so his flock is getting smaller, and he's sees his business falling apart.

One of his friends suggests that he tries a program of artificial insemination, but not being the sharpest tool in the box, he assumes that means DIY.

So not wanting to waste any time, he gets up at six the next morning, loads all his sheep into his truck, drives off to his most secluded field, and shags all 100 sheep in this flock.

Clearly he is exhausted after all that shagging, and spends the rest of the day recovering.

But he's commited to seeing this idea through, so the next morning he's up again at 0600 loading the sheep into the truck and off the secluded field.

Well he's now so 'Shagged Out', that the following morning, he sleep right through his alarm, but at 06:15 he's awaken anyway by load beeping noise.

He stumbles out of bed, and looks out the window.........




There is his Yard, are the sheep, already loaded into the truck, and one them in the cab, is honking on the horn!

[TheForgotten]

on both counts. very well done

[walesy]

hahaha the NZ chapter are gunna have YOUR ass for those ones

[spauldj308]

Oh dear....coffee on desk....

[MiSs MeOw]

their so funny

[Holden2gether]

hahaha the NZ chapter are gunna have YOUR ass for those ones

Sounds like we're already too busy with the sheep's ones to worry about his
We aren't really a bunch of sheep shaggers you know,............according to my Rastafarian uncle Duke anywayz.

[Outlaw Torn]

hahaha the NZ chapter are gunna have YOUR ass for those ones

grrrr damm rite


ROFL well put together though

PS (just remember we can easily change it to an "Aussie" joke, maybe change it to something like kangaroos, or koalas, or wallabes)