Bad Jokes!

[Fr3ak+--]

Why did the chicken cross the road..

to bitch slap you for telling bad jokes

[jas98]

to bitch slap you for telling bad jokes

and me to laugh when that happens

[Jecs]

the wife was nagging me last night saying we had lost our sexual attraction,
so i said why dont you go an slip into something nice like a



F**KING COMA!!

[MEANVY]

A blonde had just bought a new sports car and was out for a drive when she accidentally cut off a truck driver.
The driver motioned for her to pull over and when she did he got out of his truck and pulled a piece of chalk from his pocket and drew a circle on the side of the road.
"Stand in here and don't move" he said indicating the circle.
Once the blonde was standing inside he went over to her car and ran his key the whole way down the side of it. Turning around to give her a piece of his mind he saw her standing there smiling.
"oh that's funny is it?"
he turned back around and kicked off both the side mirrors and then put his boot through the windscreen.
Turning back around he saw the blonde grinning.
"right" he said walking to his truck and getting out a can of fuel, pours it all over the blondes car and then sets it on fire.
Turning back around the blonde is laughing so hard she is almost falling over.
"What's so funny?!" the driver shouts at her
"every time you turned around i stepped out of the circle!!!"

[Jecs]

Fred moved to Australia and bought a donkey from a farmer for $100.00. The farmer agreed to deliver the donkey the next day. The next day he drove up and said, 'Sorry son, but I have some bad news. the donkey died.' Fred replied, 'Well, then just give me my money back.' The farmer said, 'Can't do that. I went and spent it already.'

Fred said, 'Ok, then, just bring me the dead donkey.' The farmer asked, 'What ya gonna do with him?' Fred said, 'I'm going to raffle him off.' The farmer said, You can't raffle off a dead donkey!' Fred said, 'Sure I can. Watch me. I just won't tell anybody he's dead.' A month later, the farmer met up with Fred and asked, 'What happened with that dead donkey?' Fred said, 'I raffled him off. I sold 500 tickets at two dollars a piece and made a profit of $898.00.' The farmer said, 'Didn't anyone complain?' Fred said, 'Just the guy who won. So I gave him his two dollars back.'

Fred now works for the Australian Government.

[hsvpunk]

haha, thats gold.

[BlackVY]

Fred moved to Australia and bought a donkey from a farmer for $100.00. The farmer agreed to deliver the donkey the next day. The next day he drove up and said, 'Sorry son, but I have some bad news. the donkey died.' Fred replied, 'Well, then just give me my money back.' The farmer said, 'Can't do that. I went and spent it already.'

Fred said, 'Ok, then, just bring me the dead donkey.' The farmer asked, 'What ya gonna do with him?' Fred said, 'I'm going to raffle him off.' The farmer said, You can't raffle off a dead donkey!' Fred said, 'Sure I can. Watch me. I just won't tell anybody he's dead.' A month later, the farmer met up with Fred and asked, 'What happened with that dead donkey?' Fred said, 'I raffled him off. I sold 500 tickets at two dollars a piece and made a profit of $898.00.' The farmer said, 'Didn't anyone complain?' Fred said, 'Just the guy who won. So I gave him his two dollars back.'

Fred now works for the Australian Government.

HAHA!!! AWESOME!!!

[Jo3_Blo]

Fred moved to Australia and bought a donkey from a farmer for $100.00. The farmer agreed to deliver the donkey the next day. The next day he drove up and said, 'Sorry son, but I have some bad news. the donkey died.' Fred replied, 'Well, then just give me my money back.' The farmer said, 'Can't do that. I went and spent it already.'

Fred said, 'Ok, then, just bring me the dead donkey.' The farmer asked, 'What ya gonna do with him?' Fred said, 'I'm going to raffle him off.' The farmer said, You can't raffle off a dead donkey!' Fred said, 'Sure I can. Watch me. I just won't tell anybody he's dead.' A month later, the farmer met up with Fred and asked, 'What happened with that dead donkey?' Fred said, 'I raffled him off. I sold 500 tickets at two dollars a piece and made a profit of $898.00.' The farmer said, 'Didn't anyone complain?' Fred said, 'Just the guy who won. So I gave him his two dollars back.'

Fred now works for the Australian Government.

HAHA!!!! GOLD.

[theperthvan]

the wife was nagging me last night saying we had lost our sexual attraction,
so i said why dont you go an slip into something nice like a



F**KING COMA!!

best joke in the world. I laughed for ages. Then I rehearsed it to tell someone.

[Reaper]

A man walks into a pharmacy and wanders up and down the aisles.
The sales girl notices him and asks him if she can help him.
He answers that he is looking for a box of tampons for his wife.
She directs him down the correct aisle.
A few minutes later, he deposits a huge bag of cotton balls and a ball of string on the counter. She says, confused, "Sir, I thought you were looking for some tampons for your wife?"
He answers, "You see, it's like this, yesterday, I sent my wife to the store to get me a carton of cigarettes, and she came back with a tin of tobacco and some rolling papers; cause it's sooo-ooo--oo-ooo much cheaper.
So, I figure if I have to roll my own .......... so does she.

[D-Man]

a little guy is sitting at a bar when all of a sudden a thug smacks him in the face and says "thats kung fu from china".
a bit later the thug smacks him again and says "thats karate from japan". the little guy gets up and leaves the bar.
a short time later he comes back and smacks the thug out cold and says to the bar man when that c**t wakes up tell him that was a f**king shovel from bunnings...

haha ****ing awesome!

[Jecs]

As an airplane is about to crash, a female passenger jumps up frantically and announces, "If I'm going to die, I want to die feeling like a woman."
She removes all her clothing and asks, "IS there someone on this plane who is man enough to make me feel like a woman?"
A man stands up, rips off his shirt and says, "HERE!..... IRON THIS!".

[VrWagz1]

A man walks into a pharmacy and wanders up and down the aisles.
The sales girl notices him and asks him if she can help him.
He answers that he is looking for a box of tampons for his wife.
She directs him down the correct aisle.
A few minutes later, he deposits a huge bag of cotton balls and a ball of string on the counter. She says, confused, "Sir, I thought you were looking for some tampons for your wife?"
He answers, "You see, it's like this, yesterday, I sent my wife to the store to get me a carton of cigarettes, and she came back with a tin of tobacco and some rolling papers; cause it's sooo-ooo--oo-ooo much cheaper.
So, I figure if I have to roll my own .......... so does she.

LOL. beuty

[hsvpunk]

As an airplane is about to crash, a female passenger jumps up frantically and announces, "If I'm going to die, I want to die feeling like a woman."
She removes all her clothing and asks, "IS there someone on this plane who is man enough to make me feel like a woman?"
A man stands up, rips off his shirt and says, "HERE!..... IRON THIS!".

bahahaha, just spat chips over the comp screen, bahaha

[welly01]

how do you wake with a smile on your face !
sleep with a coathanger in your mouth .

a man walked into a bar an said ouch !!
it was an iron bar.

i was riding a camel the other day .. it was a female camel
i know that coz someone shouted ... look at the cnut on that camel

[Cody]

Knock Knock, Who's There?

Lettuce, Lettuce who?

Lettuce in!

[Jecs]

Little Mary Margaret was not the best student in Catholic School

Usually she slept through the class.

One day her teacher, a Nun, called on her while she was sleeping.

'Tell me Mary Margaret, who created the universe?'

When Mary Margaret didn't stir, little Johnny who was her friend

sitting behind her, took his pencil and jabbed her in the rear.

'God Almighty!' shouted Mary Margaret.

The Nun said, 'Very good' and continued teaching her class.

A little later the Nun as ked Ma ry Margaret, 'Who is our Lord and Savior?'

But Mary didn't stir from her slumber.

Once again, Johnny came to her rescue and stuck Mary Margaret

in the butt.

'Jesus Christ!!!' shouted Mary Margaret and the Nun once again said,

'Very good,' and Mary Margaret fell back sleep.

The Nun asked her a third question...'What did Eve say to Adam after

she had her twenty-third child?' Again, Johnny came to the rescue.

This time Mary Margaret jumped up and shouted, 'If you stick that

damn thing in me one more time, I'll break it in half!'



The nun fainted...........

[hsvpunk]

bahahahaha very good Jecs.

[slappa.]

a old lady walks past the local pub where a bloke is standing out front with his two dogs. the dogs jump up on her, wagging their tails. "their jack russells arnt they?" she said,

"FU CK OFF, THEIR MINE!" he replied..........

[Jecs]

Three women friends, one in a casual relationship one engaged to be married and one a long-time wife, met for drinks after work. The conversation eventually drifted towards how best to spice up their sex lives. After much discussion, they decided to surprise their men by engaging in some S&M role playing. The following week they met up again to compare notes: Sipping her drink, the single girl leered and said, “Last Friday at the end of the work day I went to my boyfriend's office wearing a leather coat. When all the other people had left, I slipped out of it and all I had on was a leather bodice, black stockings and stiletto heels. He was so aroused that we made mad passionate love on his desk right then and there!

The engaged woman giggled and said, “That's pretty much my story! When my fiancé got home last Friday, he found me waiting for him in a black mask, leather bodice, black hose and stiletto pumps. He was so turned on that we not only made love all night, he wants to move up our wedding date!

The married woman put her glass down and said, “I did a lot of planning. I made arrangements for the kids to stay over at Grandma's. I took a long scented-oil bath and then put on my best perfume. I slipped into a tight leather bodice, a black garter belt, black stockings and six-inch stilettos. I finished it off with a black mask. When my husband got home from work, he grabbed a beer and the remote, sat down and yelled, “Hey, Batman, what's for dinner?“

[LightningVP]

Three women friends, one in a casual relationship one engaged to be married and one a long-time wife, met for drinks after work. The conversation eventually drifted towards how best to spice up their sex lives. After much discussion, they decided to surprise their men by engaging in some S&M role playing. The following week they met up again to compare notes: Sipping her drink, the single girl leered and said, “Last Friday at the end of the work day I went to my boyfriend's office wearing a leather coat. When all the other people had left, I slipped out of it and all I had on was a leather bodice, black stockings and stiletto heels. He was so aroused that we made mad passionate love on his desk right then and there!

The engaged woman giggled and said, “That's pretty much my story! When my fiancé got home last Friday, he found me waiting for him in a black mask, leather bodice, black hose and stiletto pumps. He was so turned on that we not only made love all night, he wants to move up our wedding date!

The married woman put her glass down and said, “I did a lot of planning. I made arrangements for the kids to stay over at Grandma's. I took a long scented-oil bath and then put on my best perfume. I slipped into a tight leather bodice, a black garter belt, black stockings and six-inch stilettos. I finished it off with a black mask. When my husband got home from work, he grabbed a beer and the remote, sat down and yelled, “Hey, Batman, what's for dinner?“

HAHAHAHAHA

[hsvpunk]

Little Sanwan lives in Africa, he is poor, he hardly eats and has to ride his pushike to school each day.
His bike has a bent wheel.
So please send a $2 donation for the Dvd.

its **** funny to watch the little ****

[njnathan]

What does a blonde and a 747 Jumbo jet have in common

Both got Big flaps and a cockpit, and a BLACK BOX

[XeKToReX]

haha, these are rippers! lovin them..

I'm so emo, my wrists cut themselves.

[andyman]

Why did the subermarine blush?



cause it say the queen Marrys bottom


lol