Rhyme Time and other fascinating jokes..
Mary had a little lamb
Her father shot it dead.
Now it goes to school with her
between two chunks of bread
Mary had a little lamb
It ran into a pylon
10 000 volts ran up its ass
And turned its wool to nylon
Jack and Jill
Went up the hill
To have a hanky panky
Silly Jill forgot her pill
And now there little Franky
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Two priests are in the p***er. One of them looks at the other one's penis and notices a Nicotine patch on it.
He turns to the priest and says, "Father, I believe you're supposed to put that patch on your arm, not your penis."
The other replies, "But it's working fine. I'm down to just two butts a day..."
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What starts with C and ends with T and is hairy and delicious?
A coconut
What goes in hard and pink and comes out soft and sticky?
Bubblegum
What does a man do standing up, a woman do sitting down, and a dog do on three legs?
Shake hands.
What starts with F and ends with K and brings lots of excitement?
A Fire Truck
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This guy walks into a quiet bar. he is carrying three ducks. One in each hand and one under his left arm. He places them on the bar, has a few drinks and chats to the barman.
The barman is experienced and has learned not to ask people about the animals they bring into the pib, so he doesnt mention the ducks.
They chat for about 30 minutes before the guy with the ducks has to go to the toilet, leaving the ducks on the bar.
The barman is alone with the ducks. There is an awkward silence and the barman decides to try and make some conversation.
"What's your name?" he asks the first duck. "Huey," replies the first duck.
"Hows your day been Huey?"
"Great. Lovely day. Had a ball. Been in and out of puddles all day mate."
"Oh thats nice," says the barman. Then he turns to the second duck, "Hi mate. And what is your name?"
"Dewey," came the answer.
"So how's ya day been Dewey?"
"Great. Lovely day. Had a ball. Been in and out of puddles all day mate. If i had the chance another day, I'd definately do it again."
So the barman turns to the third duck, "So you must be Louie?"
"No," growls the third duck. "My names Puddles, and don't ask me about my f***ing day."
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Something to offend everyone!
How can you tell the Irish guy in the hospital?
He's the one blowing the foam off his bedpan.
Where does an Australian family go on holiday?
A different pub.
Did you hear about the Chinese couple that had a disabled baby?
They named him Sum Ting Wong
What do you call it when an Italian has one arm longer than the other?
A speech impediment
What do toilets, a clitoris, and an anniversary have in common?
Men miss them all.
Why aren't there any Puerto Ricans on Star Trek?
Because they aren't gonna be working in the future either.
What do you call a Kiwi farmer with a sheep under each arm?
A pimp
How do you get a sweet, little 80-year old woman to say f***?
You get another sweet, little 80-year-old woman to say "Bingo"
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__________________
aiKz..
If you can't impress someone with your intelligence, confuse them with bull****
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