Oil Change instructions

[bazcom]

Oil Change instructions for Women:

1) Pull up to Jiffy Lube when the mileage reaches 3000 miles since the last oil change..
2) Drink a cup of coffee
3) 15 minutes later, write a check and leave with a properly maintained vehicle.

Money spent:
Oil Change: $20.00
Coffee: $1.00
Total: $21.00

Oil Change instructions for Men:

1) Wait until Saturday, drive to auto parts store and buy a case of oil, filter, kitty litter, hand cleaner and a scented tree, write a check for $50.00.
2) Stop by 7/11 and buy a case of beer, write a check for $20, drive home.
3) Open a beer and drink it.
4) Jack car up. Spend 30 minutes looking for jack stands.
5) Find jack stands under kid's pedal car.
6) In frustration, open another beer and drink it.
7) Place drain pan under engine.
8) Look for 9/16 box end wrench.
9) Give up and use crescent wrench.
10) Unscrew drain plug.
11) Drop drain plug in pan of hot oil: splash hot oil on you in process. Cuss..
12) Crawl out from under car to wipe hot oil off of face and arms. Throw kitty litter on spilled oil.
13) Have another beer while watching oil drain.
14) Spend 30 minutes looking for oil filter wrench.
15) Give up; crawl under car and hammer a screwdriver through oil filter and twist off.
16) Crawl out from under car with dripping oil filter splashing oil everywhere from holes. Cleverly hide old oil fil ter among trash in trash can to avoid environmental penalties. Drink a beer.
17) Install new oil filter making sure to apply a thin coat of oil to gasket surface.
18) Dump first quart of fresh oil into engine.
19) Remember drain plug from step 11.
20) Hurry to find drain plug in drain pan.
21) Drink beer.
22) Discover that first quart of fresh oil is now on the floor. Throw kitty litter on oil spill.
23) Get drain plug back in with only a minor spill. Drink beer.
24) Crawl under car getting kitty litter into eyes. Wipe eyes with oily rag used to clean drain plug. Slip with stupid crescent wrench tightening drain plug and bang knuckles on frame removing any excess skin between knuckles and frame.
25) Begin cussing fit.
2 6) Throw stupid crescent wrench.
27) Cuss for additional 5 minutes because wrench hit bowling trophy.
28) Beer.
29) Clean up hands and bandage as required to stop blood flow.
30) Beer.
31) Dump in five fresh quarts of oil.
32) Beer.
33) Lower car from jack stands..
34) Move car back to apply more kitty litter to fresh oil spilled during any missed steps.
35) Beer.
36) Test drive car.
37) Get pulled over: arrested for driving under the influence.
38) Car gets impounded.
39) Call loving wife, make bail.
40) 12 hours later, get car from impound yard.

Money spent:

Parts: $50.00
DUI: $2500.00
Impound fee: $75.00
Bail: $1500.00
Beer: $20.00
Total: $4,145.00


But you know the job was done right!

[zapper]

Fantasic..love it..so so true

[VZTHUNDER]

hahahh great one

[Shounak]

Is it just me or is this guide the least funniest thing ever?

For me, my oil changes don't even include dirty clothes (if I'm careful). For some stupid typical "Everybody Loves Raymond" stereotypical American "guy" (read chump), possibly.

[crazywog]

wouldnt it be easier to call lube mobile to do it for u at home or in the office. Just try not to get jibbed.

[Stupa]

lube mobile would probably under fill the oil, so when your engine dies they can recomende a 'reputable' service centre to fix it. much better doing it yourself and knowing it was done.

[f1tzy]

Lmao thats gold

[Astranomical]

Reminds me of Dad when he tries to be a "Mr. Fixit", and fails miserably, as he usually does. :P

[str8up]

sounds familiar. Unfortunately

[Skitz]

Is it just me or is this guide the least funniest thing ever?

For me, my oil changes don't even include dirty clothes (if I'm careful). For some stupid typical "Everybody Loves Raymond" stereotypical American "guy" (read chump), possibly.

I like the guide chump,took some imaginative thinking.

A least funniest guide would be:How to spot an unmarked cop.

Some twat thought he had it all sorted on this motorbike forum I frequent.
Why not try it on JC,I'm sure it will ignite some intrest.
Just put it in the jokes/humour section.