Jokes.

[Jecs]

Joke 1.

A couple is going out for a night out in town. they're all dolled up, ready to go; the lights left on, the dog put out.

but just as the taxi arrives and they step out of the house, the dog darts back inside and won't come out.

they don't want to leave to dog inside, so the husband goes upstairs to find it, while the wife goes to wait in the taxi.

not wanting it known that the house will be empty, she explains to the driver the husband had just gone "so say good bye to my mother"

a few minutes later, the husband gets into the cab. "sorry i took so long," he says. "stupid bitch was hiding under the bed and i had to poke her with a coat hanger to get her to come out! then i had to wrap her in a blanket to keep her from scratching and biting me as i hauled her ass downstairs and tossed her in the backyard! she'ed better not **** in the vegetable garden again!"

the silence in the cab was deafening.





Joke 2.

little sally came home from school with a smile on her face and told her mother. "Frank Brown showed me his willy today!"

Before the mother could raise a concern, sally went on to say, "it reminded me of a peanut"

relaxing with a hidden smile, Sally's mum asked, "really small was it?"

sally replied, "No...Salty!"

[azzfox]

LMAO at joke #2

[Jecs]

Joke 3.

One day, when he was out ploughing, his wife brought him lunch in the field. He drove the old mule into the shade, sat down on a stump, and began to eat his lunch. Immediately, his wife began nagging him again.

Complain, nag, complain, nag; it just went on and on.



All of a sudden, the old mule lashed out with both hind feet, caught her smack in the back of the head and killed her dead on the spot.



At the funeral several days later, the minister noticed something rather odd.

When a woman mourner would approach the old farmer, he would listen for a minute, then nod his head in agreement; but when a man mourner approached him, he would listen for a minute, then shake his head in disagreement. This was so consistent, the minister decided to ask the old farmer about it. So after the funeral, the minister spoke to the old farmer, and asked him why he nodded his head and agreed with the women, but always shook his head and disagreed with all the men.



The old farmer said, 'Well, the women would come up and say something about how nice my wife looked, or how pretty her dress was, so I'd nod my head in agreement.'



'And what about the men?' the minister asked.



'They all wanted to know if the mule was for sale.'


Joke 4.

A drunk walks into a seedy biker bar, sits down and orders a drink. After
he downs it, he looks around the bar and spots three bikers sitting at a
corner table. He gets up, staggers over to their table, leans over, looks the
biggest, meanest, biker right in the face and says:

'I went by your grandma's house today and I saw her in the hallway buck naked.

Man, she is one fine looking woman!'

The biker looks right back at him and doesn't say a word.

When he doesn't jump up and wipe the floor with the drunk, his buddies stare at him in amazement.

The drunk leans in a little closer and says:

'Then I got it on with your grandma and she is good, the best I ever had!'

At this, the biker's buddies are starting to get really mad.

One of them starts to stand up, but the biker puts his hand out to restrain him, still saying nothing.

The drunk leans in close enough that his breath was curling the biker's nose hairs,

and says, 'I'll tell you something else, sonny boy, your grandma liked it!'

At this point the biker slowly stands up, takes the drunk by both shoulders, looks him

square in the eyes and says... 'Grandpa, go home. You're drunk.'

[seano13]

LOL classic B)