Men

[Lyoness]

Men

My boyfriend, not happy with my mood swings, bought me a mood ring the other day
so he would be able to monitor my moods. When I'm in a good mood it turns
green.
When I'm in a bad mood it leaves a big f**king red mark on his forehead.
Maybe next time he'll buy me a diamond.

My husband came home with a tube of KY jelly and said, "This will make you
happy tonight." He was right. When he went out of the bedroom, I squirted it
all over the doorknobs. He couldn't get back in.

A couple are lying in bed. The man says, "I am going to make you the
happiest woman in the world." The woman says, "I'll miss you."

Q: What do you call an intelligent, good looking, sensitive man?
A: A rumour.

He said - Since I first laid eyes on you, I've wanted to make love to you
really badly.
She said - Well, you've succeeded.

He said 'Shall we try swapping positions tonight?' .
She said 'That's a good idea... you stand by the ironing board while I
sit on the sofa and fart'.

He said 'What have you been doing with all the grocery money that I gave
you?'
She said 'Turn sideways and look in the mirror you fat bastard'.


Q: What's the difference between a boyfriend and a husband? A: 45 minutes.

Q: What's the fastest way to a man's heart?
A: Through his chest with a sharp knife.

Q: Why do men want to marry virgins?
A: They can't stand criticism.

Q:Why is it so hard for women to find men that are sensitive,caring,and good
looking?
A:Because those men already have boyfriends.

Q:What makes men chase women they have no intention of marrying?
A:The same urge that makes dogs chase cars they have no intention of driving.

[EllaBella]

*lmao* thats a pisser!