The Hitman

[Dirbatua]

Two old friends are just about to tee off at their local golf course when a guy calls out, "Mind if I join you? My partner didn't turn up."
"Sure," they said. So they start playing and the newcomer turns out to be a good guy.
Part way around the course, one of the friends asks him, "What do you do for a living?"
"I'm a hit man."
"You're joking!"
"Nope," he said, reaching into his golf bag and pulling out a Martini sniper's rifle with a large telescopic sight. "My tools."
"That's a beautiful scope," said the other friend, "Can I take a look? I think I might be able to see my house from here."
So he picked up the rifle and looked through the sight. "Yeah, there's my house all right. This thing's fantastic. I can see right in the window.
Wow, I can see my wife in the bedroom. Ha, ha --she's naked! Wait a minute, that's my neighbor in there with her. He's naked, too!!! The b***h!"
He turned to the hit man, "How much do you charge for a hit?"
"I do a flat rate. A thousand dollars every time I pull the trigger."
"Can I order two?"
"Sure, what do you want?"
"First, shoot my wife. She never shuts up, so shoot her in the mouth. Then the neighbor. He's a friend of mine, and just a kid, so just shoot his dick off to teach him a lesson."
The hit man took the rifle and took aim, standing perfectly still for a few minutes.
"Are you going to do it or not?" said the friend impatiently.
"Patience, friend," said the hit man calmly, "I think I can save you a grand here."

[nicko]

ohh mate your killing me with these jokes, keep 'em coming

[LeojVS]

I should forward this to my ex. She may not see the funny side though.... : )