Dog food diet

[bazcom]

I've got 2 dogs. I bought a large bag of Meaty Bites at Big W and was
standing in line at the check-out.

A woman behind me asked if I had a dog.

On impulse, I told her that no, I was starting The Meaty Bites Diet again,
although I probably shouldn't because I'd ended up in the hospital last
time, but that I'd lost 25 kgs before I woke in an intensive care ward with
tubes coming out of most of my orifices and IV's in both arms.

I told her that it was essentially a perfect diet and that the way that it
works is to load your pants pockets with Meaty Bites and simply eat one or
two every time you feel hungry & that the food is nutritionally complete so
I was going to try it again.

I have to mention here that practically everyone in the line was by now
enthralled with my story, particularly a guy who was behind her.

Horrified, she asked if I'd ended up in the hospital in that condition
because I had been poisoned by the food. I told her no, it was because I'd
been sitting in the middle of the road licking my dick and a car hit me.

I thought one guy was going to have a heart attack he was laughing so
hard as he staggered out the door.

Stupid b*tch...why else would I buy dog food??

[nicko]

very funny lol

[88GreenVN]

Ha ha ha old story - but you told is so very well. Onya mate.

[Wombat]

Good one...

Another supermarket checkout joke I read about was one in a British magazine, where they sell alcohol in regular supermarkets. It said that when you have a party organised and have to go and buy booze, buy the booze you want, and make sure you have the exact amount of cash for what you are buying. Now, chuck a packet of disposable nappies and a pack of baby food on top of the booze, and go to the checkouts. Wait until it's busy so there are plenty of people around, and in line behind you. When you get everything scanned through, and the girl tells you the total, say loudly "Oh, only have X amount of cash and haven't got my card...I'll have to put something back, no problem", and hand her the nappies and baby food and keep all the booze...just watch the horrified stares and whispers...

[nicko]

Good one...

Another supermarket checkout joke I read about was one in a British magazine, where they sell alcohol in regular supermarkets. It said that when you have a party organised and have to go and buy booze, buy the booze you want, and make sure you have the exact amount of cash for what you are buying. Now, chuck a packet of disposable nappies and a pack of baby food on top of the booze, and go to the checkouts. Wait until it's busy so there are plenty of people around, and in line behind you. When you get everything scanned through, and the girl tells you the total, say loudly "Oh, only have X amount of cash and haven't got my card...I'll have to put something back, no problem", and hand her the nappies and baby food and keep all the booze...just watch the horrified stares and whispers...

i SOOOO want to try that

[levymetal]

ahahahha

this kind of reminds me of something i did at big w once... my friend was returning a camera that broke and there was a bike that had also been returned just sitting there. i went and looked at it and there was a note that said "there is a pulling from the back wheel". ahahah and the persons phone number was on there. so i wrote it down, and when we left the store we gave the guy a call and pretended to be big w staff asking him exactly what was wrong with the bike. he just said stuff like "well, the back wheel pulls when i ride it" so we asked "which way does it pull?" and he said "backwards". we tried to place the blame on him ahahahah it was so funny. probably not funny reading it but it's something you should do if you ever see a product that someone has returned, ring up and ask stupid questions!

[excalibur]

dog food diet hahahaha

[undar8ed1]

wow just wot I needed..licking my dick ..LOL