Australia

[bazcom]

The questions below about Australia are from potential visitors. They were posted on an Australian Tourism Website and the answers are the actual responses by the website officials, who obviously have an excellent sense of humour.


Q: Does it ever get windy in Australia? I have never seen it rain on TV, how do the plants grow? (UK).
A: We import all plants fully grown and then just sit around watching them die.

Q: Will I be able to see kangaroos in the street? (USA)
A: Depends how much you've been drinking.

Q: I want to walk from Perth to Sydney - can I follow the railroad tracks? (Sweden)
A: Sure, it's only three thousand miles, take lots of water.

Q: Is it safe to run around in the bushes in Australia? (Sweden)
A: So it's true what they say about Swedes.

Q : Are there any A TMs (cash machines) in Australia? Can you send me a list of them in Brisbane, Cairns, Townsville and Hervey Bay? (UK)
A: What did your last slave die of?

Q: Can you give me some information about hippo racing in Australia? (USA)
A: Africa is the big triangle shaped continent south of Europe. Australia is that big island in the middle of the Pacific which does not.. oh forget it. ..... Sure, the hippo racing is every Tuesday night in Kings Cross. Come naked.

Q: Which direction is North in Australia? (USA)
A: Face south and then turn 180 degrees. Contact us when you get here and we'll send the rest of the directions.

Q: Can I bring cutlery into Australia? (UK)
A: Why? Just use your fingers like we do.

Q: Can you send me the Vienna Boys' Choir schedule? (USA)
A: Austria is that quaint little country bordering Germany, which is...oh forget it. Sure, the Vienna Boys Choir plays every Tuesday night in Ki ngs Cross, straight after the hippo races. Come naked.

Q: Can I wear high heels in Australia? ( UK )
A: You're a British politician, right?

Q: Are there supermarkets in Sydney and is milk available all year round? (Germany)
A: No, we are a peaceful civilization of vegan hunter/gatherers. Milk is illegal.

Q: Please send a list of all doctors in Australia who can dispense rattlesnake serum. (USA)
A: Rattlesnakes live in America which is where YOU come from. All Australian snakes are perfectly harmless, can be safely handled and make good pets.

Q: I have a question about a famous animal in Australia, but I forget its name. It's a kind of bear and lives in trees. (USA)
A: It 's called a Drop Bear. They are so called because they drop ou t of Gum trees and eat the brains of anyone walking underneath them.

Q: Do you have perfume in Australia? (France)
A: No, WE don't stink.

Q: I have developed a new product that is the fountain of youth. Can you tell me where I can sell it in Australia? (USA)
A: Anywhere significant numbers of Americans gather.

Q: Do you celebrate Christmas in Australia? (France)
A: Only at Christmas.

Q: Will I be able to speak English most places I go? (USA)
A: Yes, but you'll have to learn it first.

[Dirbatua]

hahaha, god i hate ****ing tourists, had to do some work at the airport the other day had 3 come up to me and ask me the dumbest ****ing questions, its ****ing rediculus sometimes.

[vlv8vic]

oldie but a goodie. When mum and dad were in the USA they were asked a couple of times if they lived in Aus all year around or did they just have a vacation house there like most. Most what they wondered!!

[Wombat]

The ones about the snakes and the drop bears are gold...

Many many years ago back about 1982, I used to work on a tomato farm, where a lot of travellers from Europe worked...nowadays you would call them backpackers...back then they were just "tourists on a work visa" (doesn't have the same ring to it, does it...).
The farm ute, which we used to transport them (sitting in the back) from the shed to whatever paddock was being picked that day was an ancient Kingswood. It was covered in dents and missing the drivers door. In particular, the roof was deeply scored from when one guy ran it under a roller door which he thought was higher than it was...
After telling the tourists about Drop Bears ("they look just like a Koala, but they're carnivorous and have bigger claws and fangs"), we used to tgell them that was what had happened to the roof of the ute...drop bears had tried to attack the driver and scratched up the roof.
The poor bastards used to actually watch the trees when we drove along bush tracks with overhanging trees, worried they were about to be torn limb from limb...

[woody0602]

Q: Do you have perfume in Australia? (France)
A: No, WE don't stink.

Gold. Freakin' Gold!

[BOY1236]

KSA ppl share your pain