9 Sexual Jokes

[Dirbatua]

# 9
A man is in a hotel lobby. He wants to ask the clerk a
question. As he turns to go to the front desk, he
accidentally bumps into a woman beside him and as he does,
his elbow goes into her breast. They are both quite
startled. The man turns to her and says, "Ma'am, if your
heart is as soft as your breast, I know you'll forgive me."
She replies, "if your penis is as hard as your elbow, I'm
in room 1221."

# 8
A young man walks up and sits down at the bar. "What can I
get you?" the bartender inquires.
"I want 6 shots of Jagermeister," responded the young man.
"6 shots?!? Are you celebrating something?"
"Yeah, my first blowjob."
"Well, in that case, let me give you a 7th on the house."
"No offence, sir. But if 6 shots won't get rid of the
taste, nothing will."

# 7
A businessman boards a flight and is lucky enough to be
seated next to an absolutely gorgeous woman.. They exchange
brief hellos and he notices she is reading a manual about
sexual statistics. He asks her about it and she replies,
"This is a very interesting book about sexual statistics.
It identifies that American Indians have the longest average
penis and Polish men have the biggest average diameter. By
the way, my name is Jill. What's yours?" He coolly
replies, "Tonto Kawalski, nice to meet you."

# 6
One night, as a couple lay down for bed, the husband gently
taps his wife on the shoulder and starts rubbing her arm.
The wife turns over and says: "I'm sorry honey, I've got a
gynaecologist appointment tomorrow and I want to stay
fresh." The husband, rejected, turns over and tries to
sleep. A few minutes later, he rolls back over and taps
his wife again. This time he whispers in her ear: "Do you
have a dentist appointment tomorrow too?"

# 5
Bill worked in a pickle factory. He had been employed
there for a number of years when he came home one day to confess
to his wife that he had a terrible compulsion. He had an
urge to stick his penis into the pickle slicer. His wife
suggested that he should see a sex therapist to talk about
it, but Bill indicated that he'd be too embarrassed. He
vowed to overcome the compulsion on his own. One day a few
weeks later, Bill came home absolutely ashen. His wife
could see at once that something was seriously wrong. "What's
wrong, Bill?" she asked. "Do you remember that I told you
how I had this tremendous urge to put my penis into the
pickle slicer?" "Oh, Bill, you didn't."
"Yes, I did."
"My God, Bill, what happened?"
"I got fired."
"No, Bill. I mean, what happened with the pickle slicer?"
"Oh...she got fired too."

# 4
A man was visiting his wife in hospital where she has beenin a coma
for several years. On this visit he decides to rub her left breast
instead of just talking to her. On doing this she lets out a sigh.
The man runs out and tells the doctor who says this is a good sign and
suggests he should try rubbing her right breast to see if there is any
reaction. The man goes in and rubs her right breast and this brings a
moan from his suggests the man should go in and try oral sex, saying
he will wait outside as it is a personal act and he doesn't want the
man to be embarrassed.
The man goes in then comes out about five minutes later, white as a
sheet and tells the doctor his wife is dead.
The doctor asks what happen to which the man replies:
"She choked."

# 3
A guy walks into a bar with a pet alligator by his side. He puts the
alligator up on the bar. He turns to the astonished patrons. "I'll
make you a deal. I'll open this alligator's mouth and place my
genitals inside. Then the gator will close his mouth for one minute.
He'll then open his mouth and I'll remove my unit unscathed. In return
for witnessing this spectacle, each of you will buy me a drink."
The crowd murmured their approval. The man stood up on the bar,
dropped his trousers, and placed his privates in the alligator's open
mouth. The gator closed his mouth as the crowd gasped. After a
minute, the man grabbed a beer bottle and rapped the alligator hard on
the top of its head. The gator opened his mouth and the man removed
his genitals unscathed as promised.
The crowd cheered and the first of his free drinks was delivered. The
man stood up again and made another offer.
"I'll pay anyone $100 who's willing to give it a try". A hush fell
over the crowd. After a while, a hand went up in the back of the bar.
A woman timidly spoke up.
"I'll try, but you have to promise not to hit me on the head with the
beer bottle".

# 2
A small white guy goes into an elevator, when he gets in he notices a
huge black dude standing next to him. The big black dude looks down
upon the small white guy and says:
"7 foot tall, 350 pounds, 20 inch dick, 3 pound left ball,3 pound
right ball, Turner Brown"
The small white guy faints !!
The big black dude picks up the small white guy and brings him to,
slapping his face and shaking him and asks the small white guy.
"What's wrong?".
The small white guy says; "Excuse me but what did you say?".
The big black dude looks down and says "7 foot tall, 350 pounds, 20
inch dick, 3 pound left ball, 3 pound right ball, my name is Turner
Brown."
The small white guy says, "Thank god, I thought you said 'Turn
around.'"

# 1
There was this couple who had been married for 50 years.
They were sitting at the breakfast table one morning when
the old gentleman said to his wife,
"Just think, honey, we've been married for 50 years."
"Yeah," she replied, "Just think, fifty years ago we were
sitting here at this breakfast table together."
"I know," the old man said, "We were probably sitting here
naked as jaybirds fifty years ago."
"Well," Granny snickered, "What do you say...should we get
naked?" Where upon the two stripped to the buff and sat
down at the table. "You know, honey," the little old lady
breathlessly replied, "My nipples are as hot for you today
as they were fifty years ago."
"I wouldn't be surprised," replied Gramps. "One's in your
coffee and the other is in your oatmeal!!!!

[GAMBLR]

lol absolute gold

cc

[Astranomical]

Eww at the last one, seriously.

I've seen 'em before, but they're still great

[Farlig]

Eww at the last one, seriously.

I've seen 'em before, but they're still great

seen what the old birds nipples?

[vpcalais6]

funny **** !!!

[Emackulation]

Hahaha, good jokes. I lol'd atleast 3 times.

[electro cruiser]

LMAO to 1,2,6,7,8,9!!!! good as!!

[Brucefromruse]

Tonto Kalowski........BWAAAA!!!!!!

[Swanny]

hahaha thats funny as

[UNKNOWN]

Not bad!...