Rules for driving in Adelaide when in you commodore

[BullittSV6]

Basic rules for driving in Adelaide in your Commodore =====================

1. Indicators will give away your next move. A real Adelaide driver never uses them.

2. Under no circumstances should you leave a safe distance between you and the car in front of you, or somebody else will fill in that space, putting you further behind.

3. Crossing two or more lanes in a single lane change is considered "going with the flow."

4. The faster you drive through a red light, the less chance you have of getting hit.

5. Never get in the way of an older car that needs extensive repairs. The other guy doesn't have anything to lose.

6. Braking is to be done as hard and as late as possible to ensure that your ABS kicks in, giving a nice, relaxing foot massage as the brake pedal pulsates. For those of you without ABS, it's a chance to stretch your legs.

7. Speed limits are arbitrary figures, given only as suggestions and apparently not enforceable in the metro area during rush hour.

8. Please remember that there is no such thing as a shortcut during rush-hour traffic in Adelaide.

9. Always slow down and rubberneck when you see an accident or even someone changing a tyre.

10. Everybody thinks their vehicle is better than yours, especially 4WD drivers.

11. Learn to swerve abruptly. Adelaide is the home of High Speed Slalom Driving thanks to our Dept. of Road Transport and local Councils, who put potholes in key locations to test drivers' reflexes and keep them on their toes, not forgetting the 'Test your skill' chicanes in suburbs.

12. It is traditional in Adelaide to honk your horn at cars that don't move the instant the light changes.

13. Seeking eye contact with another driver revokes your right of way.

14. Never take a green light at face value. Always look right and left before proceeding.

15. Remember that the goal of every Adelaide driver is to get there first, by whatever means necessary.

16. Real Adelaide female drivers can put on pantyhose and apply eye makeup at 75 kph and/or in bumper-to-bumper traffic.

17. Real Adelaide male drivers can remove pantyhose and a bra at 95 kph and/or in bumper-to-bumper traffic.

18. Heavy fog and rain are no reasons to change any of the previously listed rules. These weather conditions are God's way ensuring a natural selection process and creating a need for panel beaters, junkyards, and new vehicle sales. It is an acceptable practice to increase your speed in comparison to the rate of rain fall, i.e.: the harder it rains, the faster you go.

19. There is a commonly held belief in Adelaide that high speed tailgating in heavy traffic reduces petrol consumption as you get sucked along in the slipstream of the car in front.

20. It's OK to cut off fully loaded semi-trailers, road trains and buses because, hell - they have great brakes.

21. Always anticipate oncoming traffic while driving down a one-way street.

22. Its O.K when driving in dangerous suburbs to air your grievances at bad drivers by giving the "one finger salute" while screaming out "arse-hole"
“wanker”. However, it is imperative you are driving at least a 5-litre V8 Commodore with a crow bar or loaded weapon in your lap.

23. Adelaide drivers are experts at merging. When in two or more lanes travelling in the same direction, ensure that if you see someone politely indicating, waiting slowly trying to merge into your lane, show them that they must 'Wait their turn' to use your lane. Speed up, try to cut them off, should they succeed and get into your lane, ensure that you flash your lights, honk your horn, use extreme hand gestures and tailgate them for ages, just to let them know, IT WAS YOUR LANE.

24. Ensure that when merging into traffic travelling at any more than 40kph that you stop in the merging lane, backing up traffic for miles behind you, ensuring that you haven't given yourself or anyone else that opportunity to merge. Again, forget that the traffic handbook states that you should speed up to meet traffic speed then merge. If you are travelling in a lane near a merge lane, don't change lanes to make it easy for them, instead see rule 23, after all they deserve it.

25. While using Adelaide roundabouts, particularly two lane roundabouts, ENSURE that you are in the left lane to turn right, or the right to turn left, hell lets keep those people in those other lanes on their toes.

26. Pedestrian crossings - What are they? Run 'em down.

27. Remember, the wider, smoother, and safer the road... the lower the speed limit.

28. When driving on the freeway, find somebody who is going slow and drive next to them so that nobody can pass you. It's called speed prevention.
It's your duty!

[88GreenVN]

Board are we.

And when in Whyalla - hang on we dont go to whyalla

Funny stuff and half of it's true

[nicko]

yep half of that stuff is a must do.

[Farlig]

Why is this in the joke section? its real
a brand new road near my place has manhole covers that are deeper than my 18" rims!

[BullittSV6]

Originally Posted by 88GreenVN

Board are we.

And when in Whyalla - hang on we dont go to whyalla

Funny stuff and half of it's true

Yeah not much to see in Whyalla I'll admit that. It has one gem of a road though - Point Lowly Rd. Its where they are going to build the new desal plant.

Barely any cars, a little twisty and hilly, fantastic views.

Took some pics of my car there yesterday actually.

[electro cruiser]

may i be the first to speak for the rest of australia.

you slow south australians. you deserve to be off australia like tasmania. oneday...juuust oneday you guys will break off and float towards the antarctic!

just joking!! but alot of those things are seen here in victoria as well!!

[ashbox]

i think the majority of that applies to most of the country

[calais_304]

Originally Posted by ashbox

i think the majority of that applies to most of the country

yep thats brisbane and cairns to a T

[vn calais manual]

hey,

im from whyalla also lol. we have some shocking drivers here!

[hsvpunk]

the thing i hate about Sth Aus, is that they know how to swim.....

[vn calais manual]

Originally Posted by hsvpunk

the thing i hate about Sth Aus, is that they know how to swim.....

huh? whats that mean. im lost

[rvx 219]

thats so true man thats a good one