Two hunting jokes...

[Wombat]

1: A hunting guide was leading two hunters in the wilds of Canada. They had flown in in a float plane, and had landed on a lake. The hunters had shot a huge prize moose, and there was an arguement about how they were going to get it out...the pilot said it was way to heavy to strap to the float of the plane and still take off, and the hunters were adamant it could be done.
"Last year we shot a moose just as big, and the pilot we had with us on that trip strapped it to the float, and the plane took off fine, you're just being a pussy!" The pilot eventually got sick of being called a coward, and they tied the huge moose to the plane and started thier take off across the lake. The plane skipped and hopped, and finally managed to clear the surface of the water, but couldn't gain any altitude and smashed into the trees at the side of the lake. The two hunters came to in the wreckage some time later, and one looked around and said "where the hell are we?", and the other hunter looked around and back at the lake and said "About fifty feet further than last year..."


2: A hugely overweight hunter weighing over 400 pounds was puffing along a wilderness trail with his guide, and finally asked "Hey, you know, I never asked you about this, but I'm a pretty big guy...if I had a heart attack or something happened to me and you had to get me out, how would you do it? No offence, but we're a long way from the main road, and you aren't exactly the biggest guy, I just wondered how you'd handle it?". The guide laughed and said "Hey, no problem...I was hunting here a couple of years ago, and shot a prize 500 pound deer...I got it out on my own no problems." The fat guy was amazed, and said "How the hell did you do that?". The guide said "It took six trips, but I got it out..."