reasons for not having sex [joke]

[rawsonn]

ear Wife,
During the past year I have tried to make love to you 365 times.
I have succeeded 36 times, which is an average of once every ten days.
The following is a list of why I did not succeed more often:

54 times the sheets were clean
17 times it was too late
49 times you were too tired
20 times it was too hot
15 times you pretended to be asleep
22 times you had a headache
17 times you were afraid of waking the baby
16 times you said you were too sore
12 times it was the wrong time of the month
19 times you had to get up early
9 times you said weren't in the mood
7 times you were sunburned
6 times you were watching the late show
5 times you didn't want to mess up your new hairdo
3 times you said the neighbors would hear us
9 times you said your mother would hear us

Of the 36 times I did succeed, the activity was not satisfactory because:

6 times you just laid there
8 times you reminded me there's a crack in the ceiling
4 times you told me to hurry up and get it over with
7 times I had to wake you and tell you I finished
1 time I was afraid I had hurt you because I felt you move

KEEP READING.......!!!!!!!!

========================================

TO MY DEAR HUSBAND:

I think you have things a little confused. Here are the reasons you didn't get more than you did:

5 times you came home drunk and tried to screw the cat
36 times you did not come home at all
21 times you didn't come with energy
33 times you came too soon
19 times you went soft before you got in
38 times you worked too late
10 times you got cramps in your toes
29 times you had to get up early to play golf
2 times you were in a fight and someone kicked you in the balls
4 times you got it stuck in your zipper
3 times you had a cold and your nose was running
2 times you had a splinter in your finger
20 times you lost the motion after thinking about it all day
6 times you came in your pajamas while reading a dirty book
98 times you were too busy watching TV

Of the times we did get together:

The reason I laid still was because you missed and were screwing the sheets.

I wasn't talking about the crack in the ceiling, what I said was, "Would you prefer me on my back or kneeling?"

The time you felt me move was because I was trying to breathe!

[nicko]

lol nice one mate

[greenfoam]

He should reply and go

5 times you came home drunk and tried to screw the cat, the cat gives me more attention
36 times you did not come home at all, I was looking for a mistress
21 times you didn't come with energy, I found a mistress
33 times you came too soon, I was thinking of someone else
19 times you went soft before you got in, I caught a look at the celulite on your butt
38 times you worked too late, I had to stay there because I knew the lawn was long
10 times you got cramps in your toes, I didn't eat enough bananas because you used them all while I was staying late at work
29 times you had to get up early to play golf, There's hot potential mistress's that play golf
2 times you were in a fight and someone kicked you in the balls, He's that guy you screwed the other day
4 times you got it stuck in your zipper, I told you to sew me a new zipper months ago!
3 times you had a cold and your nose was running, Didn't the plumber have a cold when he was here last week?
2 times you had a splinter in your finger, your attitude towards sex has forced me to carve a doll out in the shed
20 times you lost the motion after thinking about it all day, Thinking!, me and my hand were more than thinking
6 times you came in your pajamas while reading a dirty book, Obviously you didn't buy me the book :P
98 times you were too busy watching TV, World movies, ahhh, the way my life should have been

[Pimpn1]

He should reply and go

5 times you came home drunk and tried to screw the cat, the cat gives me more attention
36 times you did not come home at all, I was looking for a mistress
21 times you didn't come with energy, I found a mistress
33 times you came too soon, I was thinking of someone else
19 times you went soft before you got in, I caught a look at the celulite on your butt
38 times you worked too late, I had to stay there because I knew the lawn was long
10 times you got cramps in your toes, I didn't eat enough bananas because you used them all while I was staying late at work
29 times you had to get up early to play golf, There's hot potential mistress's that play golf
2 times you were in a fight and someone kicked you in the balls, He's that guy you screwed the other day
4 times you got it stuck in your zipper, I told you to sew me a new zipper months ago!
3 times you had a cold and your nose was running, Didn't the plumber have a cold when he was here last week?
2 times you had a splinter in your finger, your attitude towards sex has forced me to carve a doll out in the shed
20 times you lost the motion after thinking about it all day, Thinking!, me and my hand were more than thinking
6 times you came in your pajamas while reading a dirty book, Obviously you didn't buy me the book :P
98 times you were too busy watching TV, World movies, ahhh, the way my life should have been

lol..... thats a really good reply.... i cant stop loling