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Thread: One liners

  1. #1
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    Default One liners

    I keep having my profile on that dating website 'Match.com' rejected.
    One of the questions is, 'What do you want in a woman?'
    Apparently 'my dick' is not an acceptable answer.


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    A suicide bomber runs into a pet shop and yells, 'you've all got 30 seconds to get out!'
    The tortoise at the back of the shop shouts, 'you prick!'


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    Why are men like clouds?

    Eventually they **** off and its a really nice day!



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    My wife, being unhappy with my mood swings, bought me one of these mood rings so she could monitor my mood. We discovered that, when I am in a good mood, it turns green and, when I am in a bad mood, it leaves a fu*king big red mark on her forehead.


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    Zebo, a half blind five year old South African orphan, has to ride 7 miles a day to school with only one leg on a bicycle with buckled wheels and no brakes. Give just small donation of 2 dollars and we'll send you the video, it's hilarious.


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    Two men are in a pub. One says to his mate 'My mother-in-law is an angel'. The reply from his friend...... 'You're so fu*king lucky... Mine's still alive...'



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    A man goes into a library and asks for a book on suicide.
    The librarian says; '**** off, you won't bring it back.'


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    2 Men in a pub and one is riding a Bucking Bronco Machine. He lasts over 10 minutes.
    'Geeeeez mate, that was impressive!'
    'I get lots of practice' replied the other guy. 'My Wife’s an epileptic!'

  2. #2
    Jesterarts's Avatar
    Jesterarts is offline Your freedom ends where mine begins
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  3. #3
    VrWagz1's Avatar
    VrWagz1 is offline The Wagon on Wheels..
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    Default

    lol, nice i havnt heard these ones.
    Quote Originally Posted by Blown V6 Hatch View Post
    Has ACL stopped making flat top pistons or something? Grinding a heap off the heads seems to be the latest fashion...
    Quote Originally Posted by Reaper View Post
    It's cheap and half arsed - perfect fit for a Commodore
    Reaper

  4. #4
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    My wife, being unhappy with my mood swings, bought me one of these mood rings so she could monitor my mood. We discovered that, when I am in a good mood, it turns green and, when I am in a bad mood, it leaves a fu*king big red mark on her forehead. "

    I LOL'D HARD AT THAT ONE AND THE LAST ONE

  5. #5
    LightningVP is offline Donating Member
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    Good to hear some new liners suprised that I've never heard any before, all very funny

  6. #6
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    I tried to join a Tourettes support group, but they told me to f**k off

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