One liners

[bazcom]

I keep having my profile on that dating website 'Match.com' rejected.
One of the questions is, 'What do you want in a woman?'
Apparently 'my dick' is not an acceptable answer.


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A suicide bomber runs into a pet shop and yells, 'you've all got 30 seconds to get out!'
The tortoise at the back of the shop shouts, 'you prick!'


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Why are men like clouds?

Eventually they **** off and its a really nice day!



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My wife, being unhappy with my mood swings, bought me one of these mood rings so she could monitor my mood. We discovered that, when I am in a good mood, it turns green and, when I am in a bad mood, it leaves a fu*king big red mark on her forehead.


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Zebo, a half blind five year old South African orphan, has to ride 7 miles a day to school with only one leg on a bicycle with buckled wheels and no brakes. Give just small donation of 2 dollars and we'll send you the video, it's hilarious.


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Two men are in a pub. One says to his mate 'My mother-in-law is an angel'. The reply from his friend...... 'You're so fu*king lucky... Mine's still alive...'



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A man goes into a library and asks for a book on suicide.
The librarian says; '**** off, you won't bring it back.'


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2 Men in a pub and one is riding a Bucking Bronco Machine. He lasts over 10 minutes.
'Geeeeez mate, that was impressive!'
'I get lots of practice' replied the other guy. 'My Wife’s an epileptic!'

[Jesterarts]

HAhahaha... the last one is so wrong! lol

[VrWagz1]

lol, nice i havnt heard these ones.

[Joey_21]

My wife, being unhappy with my mood swings, bought me one of these mood rings so she could monitor my mood. We discovered that, when I am in a good mood, it turns green and, when I am in a bad mood, it leaves a fu*king big red mark on her forehead. "

I LOL'D HARD AT THAT ONE AND THE LAST ONE

[LightningVP]

Good to hear some new liners suprised that I've never heard any before, all very funny

[Lizzard]

I tried to join a Tourettes support group, but they told me to f**k off