Irish jokes

[bazcom]

Paddy & Mick go to London to donate sperm. It was a disaster! Paddy missed the tube & Mick came on the bus!
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A Muslim was sitting next to Paddy on a plane. Paddy odered a whiskey. The stewardess asked the Muslim if he'd like a drink.
He replied in disgust 'I'd rather be raped by a dozen whores than let liquor touch my lips!'
Paddy handed his drink back & said 'Me too, I didnt know we had a choice!'

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Paddy called Easyjet to book a flight. The operator asked 'How many people are flying with you?'
Paddy replies 'I dont know! Its your f***ing plane!!'
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Two Irish couples decided to swap partners for the night. After 3 hours of amazing sex Paddy says 'I wonder how the girls are getting on'
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Paddy takes his new wife to bed on their wedding night.
She undressed & lay on the bed spreadeagled & said 'You know what I want, don't you?'
'Yeah,' says Paddy. 'The whole friggin bed by the looks of it!'
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Q. What do a Catholic priest & a pint of Guiness have in common?
A. A black coat, a white collar plus you've got to watch your arse if you get a dodgy one!

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Paddy the electrician got sacked from the U.S. prison service for not servicing the electric chair.
He said, in his professional opinion, it was a death trap!
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Paddy's chat up lines:
1. Did ya fart? 'Cos ya just blew me away!
2. Are your parents retarded? 'Cos you're special!
3. My love for you is like diarrhoea. I just can't hold it in!
4. Is there a mirror in your knickers? 'Cos I can see myself in them!
5. Your body reminds me of a spanner. Evertime I think of you, my nuts tighten up!
6. You might not be the best looking girl in here, but beauty is only a light switch away!
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Paddy & his wife are lying in bed & the neighbour's dog is barking like mad in the garden.
Paddy says 'To hell with this!' & storms off.
He comes back upstairs 5 mins later & his wife asks 'What did you do?'
Paddy replies 'Ive put the dog in our garden, lets see how they like it!'
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An Irishman is shagging a Jewish girl & says 'You're not very tight for a Jew!'
So she says 'Well, you're not very thick for a Paddy!'
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Paddy was shocked at finding out all his cows had Bluetongue.
'Be Jeysus!' he said, 'I didnt even know they had mobile phones!'
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Mick & Paddy are reading head stones at a nearby cemetery.
Mick say 'Crikey! Theres a bloke here who was 152!'
Paddy says 'Whats his name?'
Mick replies 'Miles, from London!'
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An Irishman is rowing his boat in a field of hay.
Paddy drives past & stops.
He looks at the Irishman in the boat & shouts out, 'Its thick idjeets like you that give us Irish a bad name!
I'd come over there & kick the f**k out of you if I could swim!'

[Sesa]

Mick and Paddy were walking through the Jungle when they came accross a Lion.
Mick grabs a rock and throws it at the Lion yelling "Run Paddy Run"
Paddy turns to mick and says "No you run you threw the rock.!!"